How do we know when we have gotten rid of a pattern?
When something obvious comes along, and it always does, that in the past would have set off that pattern, but now is met with nothing. You don't react at all.
It's like you are meeting it for the first time in a way, but with the benefit of experience. Or, you know it SO well that it no longer evokes a response. These paradoxical behaviors can be subtle, I want people to be aware that it can happen, not that it necessarily has to. The recap doesn't have to be perfectly linear on every issue. I always tell people to be good to themselves, not that the recap doesn't bring back some painful issues, but there is no need to bloody your head with it. Work on it a while, then go on to something else. Over time it will do what you need it to.
Download PDF version of this page