Sylvy

I celebrated prematurely. The neighbor is gone but turns out over the year he trained the local alcoholics to smoke outside with him so now they keep gathering even though he is gone. They wouldn’t have dared to smoke and gather outside before but he made them feel “empowered”. I see now that they intend to continue his “tradition”. This place has become infested with malevolence and disorder.

The neighbor has finally moved out a few days ago. I cannot describe how much lighter I feel. It’s as if a huge weight had been lifted and I am finally coming back to myself. I only now realize how blocked I was by him being here and what a horribly negative energy he was carrying (it wasn’t in my mind). He just carried such a sense of disorder and now that he’s gone I can finally see how much of it rubbed off on me constantly while he was here. I still caught myself thinking about him the past few days, not actively, but it kind of passes through my mind, like a habit, this state of constantly being prepared to see him outside. It became part of my life to constantly feel uncomfortable knowing I am “surrounded” and it will probably take some time for it to leave my system. I am horrified at how much energy it drained from me especially in these kind of circumstances where I was cornered by the pandemic to live in a place where I usually wouldn’t choose to be. I am good at organizing my energy and space but when someone is literally in your home all the time it’s a different story. But now I feel free again. At last!! I see there have been a few more replies, so I just want to briefly reply too. First of all, When I moved in here I was doing the same. This however, made people around bother me more because I was “different”. Before this guy moved in, another neighbor was stalking me for two months, was ringing my doorbell every week to “check up on me” and in the end broke into my apartment after I started ignoring her. This was caused by the fact that when I first came here I had a polite conversation with her. She offered me help if I needed it and I said the same. But then as time went by and I didn’t need any help and she decided that she wanted to be a part of my life whether I want it or not because I had a different energy she wanted to “probe”, so she decided to force herself into my life. So she started coming to my door telling me that I must be lonely, or that I don’t look so good (implying that I need her). She asked me for my phone number twice and twice I said no. And finally when I decided after a few such encounters that I don’t need someone regularly bothering me like that, coming to my door acting like something was wrong with me, and I stopped answering the door (which I told her I would do) she continued to ring the doorbell every week for two months and in the end broke into my apartment saying that she was “worried I was dead” because she hasn’t seen me in some time. Now I don’t think I have to tell you what kind of underhanded bs that was. She trying to justify her agression by supposed “good intentions”. All my statements about being fine and self-sufficient those first times we spoke just went over her head. So unfortunately, positive energy and doing your thing only makes some people aggressively want to butt in, in my experience. I was a subconscious threat to her though we don’t even know each other. If it was a different situation, maybe I would’ve talked to him. But I didn’t need to talk to him to know him. I already know everything about him because I met hundreds of guys like him and I know everything he is thinking. Most people aren’t that unique despite the popular narrative. Also, that’s what he would’ve wanted. That would’ve made him even more comfortable to impose. I know the popular belief is to think we are all independent and sovereign about our lives and thoughts. But that’s not true. We all influence each other and shape our experiences in relation to what surrounds us be it consciously or unconsciously. The more the energy around you slips into your unconscious, the less you are bothered by it because it has managed to shape you. In some cases that can be a good thing, if you are surrounded by positive or useful people or energy. This usually happens when we decide to be or we already are “empathetic”. So just like you would protest if someone immersed you in a pool of toxic waste or forced you to ingest poison, you would try to regurgitate it or find an antidote, the same thing applies to unwanted company. You can’t just “wish away” the poison or “make peace with it” by changing your attitude (unless you want to die). What is toxic is simply toxic. We are after all, embodied beings with a limited amount of energy. And yeah, toxic people do “push my buttons” and I am grateful for that because I always want to be sensitive and conscious when it comes to negative or unwholesome energy. It shows I have discernment, that I am conscious rather than unconscious. But that doesn’t mean I need to put up with it or feel like I am “weak” for being affected. Being powerless at times is a part of life as anything else. Disowning that fact altogether is neurotic.

Travel to India or Asia in general. Maybe South America too. You will find that anywhere but in the “West“ people live much more heart-connected lives and aren’t as obsessed with the material as in the West. You will most likely find mentors and communities there, or at least just a sense of general relief.

Hi cammie, thank you for the reply. I’ve thought about this to some extent. First of all, I am not agreeing to anything. My consent is not asked for here which is the whole problem. Secondly, it’s a good point, why am I not affecting his energy? On one hand it’s possible that I am but in a way which is suiting him as I am a non-aggressive person with a spacious mind so he might feel unthreatened or even encouraged. I had problems with this before. People feel “invited” into my space simply because I have that kind of accommodating energy although I am not inviting them. That “accommodating” spaciousness is something I have been working to develop consciously, but it doesn’t mean I do not have boundaries. But dull minded people do not distinguish between being open and having “weak” boundaries. It’s the same to them. And if I set my boundaries with determination and more obviously they interpret it as aggression. And that then invites a whole set of different problems. On the other hand, whatever “intention” I have set out it hasn’t worked because I am dealing with someone who is apparently so dull minded that he is dead inside and therefore isn’t affected much by anything. He moves through space like a bulldozer unselectively clearing or absorbing everything in his path. He’s a simple minded brute and therefore nothing so subtle as someone’s intention will ever reach him unless it’s in his face and I do not want to have any verbal contact with him. Not to mention, what he is doing is also actually illegal here where I live. Not just the smoking in the areas outside which is not allowed but he also smokes marijuana which is definitely illegal by law. But that’s how unbothered he is. Ever since he showed up I was thinking to report him to the owners or even the police but that would mean I have to get myself involved in a whole other saga which I’d have to waste more of my time on. I did have success at first by making him uneasy and retreat by slamming windows or playing high pitched female singing songs (drives these kind of idiots insane) but he got used to it after a while and now he’s not even bothered by that. The whole thing is much worse because I am not even living here because I want to, but because my movement had been restricted by the pandemic which makes it even more important to “befriend” my environment and make myself feel safe and autonomous in my space until I can leave.

Hi, I am wondering if anyone can help me here. I have a neighbor who moved into the building next to mine sometimes in spring last year. He seems to be constantly at home (so am I) and our balconies are very close. He is always outside the building smoking or on the balcony smoking and often speaking on the telephone. I attempted to ignore him at first but I often keep my windows open and the cigarette smoke would come in and then I would know he is outside. I also often hear him speaking on the phone. In short I am starting to feel like a live with this guy. He also at some point started collecting the alcoholics in the neighborhood who then sometimes would smoke outside with him. This never happened before he moved in. This is a quiet neighborhood, and though there are all kinds of people living here, people are very private and do not generally hang out outside the buildings. This seems to made him feel like he is the only one in the whole street and treat the street and building practically as his own private property. He is carrying some very bad energy. Ever since he moved in my mood has been awful, I am feeling stressed all the time and cannot relax. My mind is in a perpetual state of fog. I want to move but I am incapable of even organizing myself to do so because I feel perpetually blocked. I attempted to ignore him as much as possible and not give him any importance but the real problem I realized was energetic because I realized that even if I don’t see him or think about him I feel bad. I realized this because he left for about a month in August and again this month he was gone for a few days and both these times my mood and wellbeing completely shifted to normal although it took me some days to realize he was gone. And once he came back, though I haven’t noticed or seen him right away my mood again became horrible and my mind extremely disturbed. I woke up from one day feeling great the next day feeling horrible and couldn’t figure out why until I realized he returned. I can sense his presence and that disturbs me. My mind has been in a perpetual state of fog, I feel like I am constantly energetically blocked and I don’t know how to protect myself or get him to back off. The whole point of moving and staying here for me was so that I can be private and quiet. I am a meditator so I am more sensitive to these things. I feel like having him near is draining my energy and it’s making it difficult to properly focus on anything. It’s driving me crazy. I stay alone and have no one here to help me. I know he feels completely unthreatened by anything. If anyone can tell me what can I do in this situation, or offer some perspective I would appreciate it.