UnknownPatterns

Basically, due to a combination of many factors, I'm experiencing both a shamanic illness, and a physical, as well as psychological manifestation of gaslighting, the process of making someone question their own reality, I think this is basically my will and intent/energy working against itself, as well as energy working against me. I had a can of chicken noodle soup that had been on my counter for two days, become chicken broth when I opened it. My dad almost choked, and my mom fell. I've had strange encounters with people. It reminds me of this person point of view on awakeninthedream.com . I am experiencing something of a shamanic illness and am becoming empowered as I work on my will continually. These are strange times we're living in.

I suppose it happened because I was in the right state in the right time and the right place and was witnessing another experience of a similar situation as I was in at a much younger age. It was a part of my spiritual awakening, and was meant to happen then, but I need control over things like that. I have a powerful external locus of control, Your advice should be adaptable to my situation, thank you. I am learning to let it just stop, confronting it directly seemed to make it worse, which seems to be a theme in my life. It seems like I end up every few years in a situation that's deeply unpleasant and totally out of my control, and the last 2 involved a little telepathy, which made me feel bad about myself. I like to be kind, and I have a habit of taking back "no's" once pushed enough. But, I see the idea, of putting power and intent into my newer desire of just being able to control it. It could be useful if I ever decide to go into healing. I know it's something advanced spiritual practitioner's have experienced, I just don't feel ready for it. What if I change it to "Not Now"?

Right, I do need to start doing the recapitulation process. It seems in many ways very similar to various Buddhist healing practices I've been using, but with it's own unique benefits. I think, with the Buddhist path, I could potentially eliminate any frequent use, but, at least with what I use cbd for, I'll always desire some ally or the other for the affect on the gut. But there are traditional ayurvedic formulas I can use to drastically reduce or eliminate the use of cannabis. Although some do contain a trace of it, in order to guide the rest to where they need to go. I have no Idea what I've agreed to give the allies, but Buddhism seems to threaten them somewhat. I've agreed not to stop them altogether for life, and then things seemed to calm down. The difficulty for me is to not have anything in my system for the recap, as I can only go a few hours in the morning without at least coffee to prevent caffeine withdrawal headaches. That said, I have time and available energy that continues to grow. How can I find out what I've agreed to give, and can I renegotiate? There are allies, which I have no access to at this time, that claim to have the power to end addiction, i.e iboga. I have received tremendous aid from them, but marijuana came at a great cost, but didn't seem to mind being replaced with cbd, they are the same plant after all. The allies can convince me occasionally when I'm off of them, but only cbd and caffeine have a consistent hold. It was my hope that if I complete my healing, they may become irrelevant to my continued health, though they'll remain in my energy/karma I guess. So far, I have mainly been working on recovering memory, and healing injured emotions in a very Buddhist way, I think after some continuation, I may be ready for recapitulation, intent recovery, and stalking the self. I have also used psychedelics just a few times, and see they have both great potential, and great danger. Their only use is to accelerate my growth if used correctly, but how can I tell what I'm giving them in return? I am at a point where I can live with, and even enjoy their presence in my life, but others look down on me for using them. Is that perhaps the price I pay? Do shamans have a problem with unnecessary drug use? I'm sorry for all the questions, the spiritual world continues to fascinate me.

I have experienced at least one unwanted telepathy, and have transmitted accidentally as well. What does this mean from a shamanistic perspective? Any psychiatrist would call it psychosis, and I would have but for some evidence that showed up. I kind of want it to stop, but have little time at the moment to dedicate to anything new. I only experienced them once, if that matters.

Not sure how much I believe in the energetics of shamanism yet, however I know it works for people with these issues if done correctly. I have trauma, illness, and addiction. My addiction is to an herb which treats my illness. I have digestive issues that go away when I take cbd, which I can't help myself with. I've also seen the world interact with me in very strange ways to say the least. I have what gets called "mental illness", a primary one of which right now is "religious or spiritual problem". I've gone totally mad 3 times in my life, each with different reasons, my memories are only starting to come back after some very incorrectly done efforts. I'm very awake and clear compared to where I was a few months ago, but there were some rather dark times. The cbd, caffeine and sometimes nicotine or alcohol allies I'm addicted to along with the pharmaceutical meds for my illness had mixed effects on my process. It's become clear that I'm healthy enough now to return to work, slowly, but I feel I need the substance (except alcohol) to stay motivated and keep my feelings in check during daily life. My long term goal is getting rid of them completely. I'm somewhat christian, but embrace shamanistic and Buddhist spirituality. I know how to function with the drugs in my life, and if I can keep it up for just 1-3 years I'll likely be in a place where it's way easier to cut back. What's a shamanistic perspective on this? Can substances and their allies be of some use to me in my situation. I don't think I can go more than 2 or 3 days without cbd without gut pain at this time, not until I have a different diet, which I can't do right now. I've used them differently recently than I used to, I only drink as a reward for good behavior, only use nicotine when I can't power through on my own, and have had intermittent success cutting back on cbd and caffeine. I also recently stopped with a prescription stimulant due to a potential bad effect. I would say more, but a surprising number of people spy on me online and I'm not sure yet what to do about it, until I have money that is.