Vargtid

(possible trigger warning; dead animal part) Hello all, it's been some time since I've posted here; I'm Varg. I only post here when something significant happens, and tonight something did. Something did indeed happen. This, in my 20+ years as a Shaman, made me quiver a bit. I live out in the desert in far Western Colorado. I own 5 acres out here, and keep track of it regularly, and hunt my own land, as is needed, etc. Well, about 5 months ago, I was driving my tractor where I usually do, to pile rocks, at the bottom of my property, and there was a deer leg. It was just sitting there. I'm a hunter and a butcher, a Shaman, a Mysticist, w/e you wanna call me... well... having butchered my share of deer, I noticed something off about this particular severed deer leg. The thing about it, having butchered my share of animals was that this leg had been cleanly cut off at the joint, and about one inch lower, the fur was cut with a knife, right around the bone. This obviously means this was from a skinned deer. When you kill an animal, you pull out the eviscera, and then immediately cut the skin from the bone, to separate the meat from the bone, before it goes bad, and etc... well.... deer have 4 legs; and a head. and about 10 pounds of viscera. There was none of that. Just the one leg portion laying there neatly where I drove my tractor. And so I gave pause. There was no blood, no sign of anything; (besides, who would take the time to clean a dear 100 yards into someone else's property? You'd pull it home and clean it there) - just the one clean cut leg. I found it odd, for aforementioned reasons, obviously; so I kicked it aside, under a piece of jutting rock, out of the sun. That was five or so months ago. Fast forward to today: Some very ill words were exchanged between my sister and me, and I knew, and said so to my parents that things were going to change. I knew something was going to happen. Something. It kept me, this thought of woe, up all night until about 1:30am when I remembered that one deer leg from like 5 months ago that was left on my property that I kicked under a rock. So I, with just a flashlight and a knife for protection, in the middle of the night, on a whim (welcome to Shamanism), hiked back down there to find something - and something I found. In that exact spot where it originally was,, was the deer leg. Not where I kicked it - nope - it was exactly where I originally found it. Yeah, I know, "coyotes moved it" or something, no - this was an inept, desiccated deer leg not worth the trouble of scavenging - and it was right back where I found it. Precisely. I honestly hiked down there at 1:30am expecting that, and there it was - moved back to where it was. Again, without a mark; only footprints in the dirt. Of course after 6 or so months in the desert heat of the summer it was so dry that you could practically blow and the fur would fly off, leaving only bone. It was that dry... although we are just at the end of a rainy season atm, after Summer. I knew this was the sign. It had been placed there, and then moved. This, someone did deliberately. so I removed it and left a ᚨ rune carved in the dirt in its place. (if that rune doesn't appear for you in your font, it was an Ansuz Rune), and took the leg home with me. I figure someone wanted me to find it, and then after I moved it, they put it back, so 5 months or so later I took it and left a Shaman's Rune in its place to let them know that I too am like them. Why did this happen? Who put it there? Why did they move it? Why, after 5 months did I hike down there in the middle of the night to know and find all of this true? Welcome to the mysteries of Shamanism. I will cut it down and carve it into what it should be, and see. I've worked much with animal bone in my past, but how would whoever put it there know that? I don't fucking know. But I now have another powerful tool against bad spirits. -Varg

Fin, I apologize for it taking so long for me to get back to you. I am very busy with work. I got an email from here saying that you messaged me, but I'm so fail with the internet that I can't figure it out. (And yet my business is my YouTube channel - lol - sad but true). I fucking love "folkish" as you said, music. For instance Einherjer, or Old Man's Child. Both are Norwegian artists from the early 2000's. Einherjer was more 'Norwegian Folk Metal', and Old Man's Child was more like 'Norwegian Black Folk Metal', if such a thing exists.. but yeah. I received an email notifying me that I had a message from you, but I'll be honest and even after reading it I couldn't make sense of it. I have many friends in Northern Europe, where, as far as I can gather you're from, and we have amongst us an inside joke we call 'English fail'. It's cool. Just email me directly at ryanpinkston8@gmail.com I couldn't make sense of the message you sent me here, nor can I figure out how to pull it up... yeah, and I'm the guy who makes my living from YouTube; pure dumb luck. Just toss me a proper email. Thanks, -Varg

Fin, Allow me to give you an example of patience, if you could be so humble; my favorite band is Cradle of Filth: I listen to them every day - all but songs from their original album, 'Total Fucking Darkness'. This because I own it, on vinyl, original, unopened, in mint condition. This record sits on my shelf and although this is my favorite band and I could at any moment listen to any song from there on YouTube, I choose not to. I still have a perfect copy of their first album on vinyl in the original cellophane, frozen in time. Once time speaks to me, I'll know it's time - it'll likely be years more; perhaps there's something within that album I'm not yet meant to know to better myself. I will learn it then. Until that moment, the original LP still factory and unlistened of my favorite band sits on a shelf. When the day is right I will hear it. Though I have heard and seen them live - them and every other band like them - this one record remains sealed. I know enough not to ask questions. Answers are revealed in time. I know how that sounds, but from my experience anyway 90% of my other-world experiences were things I didn't expect at times when I wasn't prepared. That said, I don't just 'wait', now, prepared with wisdom, I collect things which someday may spark intuition. Again, I don't follow the tradition of those here. I forge my own path, but they know that. That's why I posted my personal email above. I would never try to derail what these cool people are doing here. -Varg

You never know who you're going to meet on the internet, and that in itself is always an adventure.

Fin, Wow, so many questions to respond to... I follow my own path, and let that be known. Although I have the utmost respect for the Makers here and have read their writings, I maintain my own beliefs - and they know this. It's no sign of disrespect - no - I'm a Shaman in what I see as a great Shaman community on the Internet. We are who we are and define convention. It's okay that I'm not perfectly aligned with everyone here. I'm here, as is everyone else, because I'm different. Are not we all? The Shaman irl with which I spoke of earlier who I met with was... a harrowing experience, and was not paid for btw, but just an encounter. As far as tattoos go- they're not for everyone. There is Alchemy in ink. I have two or three other girls' names inked in me to remember, but my current partner is not among them. It's because she is important. When I know the way to put her name on me and where and how, I will. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways. That said, funnily enough mine are not 'expression', as I cover them... but rather expression for myself. For only here, in my home do I see them. Idk if that makes any sense. As far as a sprit animal goes - and again, as I have said I am not like those here, but it is something that you will know. Perhaps some life experience will show you. I have learned much through patience. All that said, Fin, please email me at my personal email ryanpinkston8@gmail.com and perhaps we can speak or video chat or w/e you want - we can arrange it there, off-forum. That's my email, and that bit is up to you. This is the best place to meet people like myself and I want not to draw anyone away from here, but if someone is closer to my beliefs than others, then I would obviously love to speak with them personally. I give my email because that's personal and business and I check it all the time and will respond, and I realize that even here I'm a bit of an outcast because I'm not a Maker - but are we not all here because we are outcasts? Also, you clearly share a love of Black Metal, lol, so there is that. -Varg

I agree with you completely on that. It's become part of my brain; but that's okay... The way I see it is I have added answers to variables that were beforehand lingering in my brain. This is one reason I find comfort in books. I can read of others' experiences and languages and not have to go there. No, it's not a lazy outlook, but rather one of wisdom and foresight - or at least that is what I tell myself. I do still experience what I read. The current book I'm reading is by Sade. That's an experience. So there's that. -Varg

On YouTube my main channel is Darkdally. youtube.com/darkdally And the same greetings to you, by the way, kinsman! I am not a fan of technology by nature, but that, honestly just kind of fell into my lap. I work from home which however does suit me because I get to be alone and read books and practice. I do practice solo, and such like that. I've had an adventurous life which ... lol now is mostly retirement and Shamanism, and that's the funny part, because Shamanism is anything if not adventurous. There are more videos always coming on the afore-mentioned channel. It's mostly military gaming because irl I am military, but I'll tell you that my true passions are exploring, hunting, books, and languages. Perhaps boring... but I've worked enough that I can finally enjoy those and learn. Thank you sir, -Varg

The first thing I thought was yeah - I lost interest after Vortex and Mustis Were gone. I last saw Dimmu live back in 2003, and that was about it. I did enjoy their remake of Stormblast in like '05, but yeah. And as far as your comment on Kristian becoming Varg - yes - I know the whole story. Overall, I couldn't agree more. Haha. You made me actually laugh out loud. Good on that, Fin lol. Moving on, you raised a great question in that what was it that had me realize the wolf as my sprit animal? I will have to think on this. First off, I was using the name Varg long before I'd ever heard of the events of Mayhem back in the early '90's. If that was a thought, then nah, because that's just coincidence. It was something else, back in ... let me think.... Fin, I first got introduced to Northern Paganism, (which I later came to find were my ancestral roots), back in '99. I feel I've told this story before, or at least that bit. Before I knew my true calling as a Shaman, I was a 19 year-old Wiccan with eclectic beliefs just basically going off books I had read. I first found much of what I had in the early 2000's, like '01 and '02 through, oddly enough, an RPG, like D&D, that I was playing with friends. I played my character as part of the 'Get of Fenris'. I barely knew who he was at the time, or not to mention other wolves such as Freki and Geri, but I guess .... it was... not like yours. I have spoken with a Shaman more advanced than I, back in I believe '09, and that was far more ... whatever than I care to recall here. She knew more about me than I care to admit. You know how it is. It just came into me. In every circle I've been the oldest, the most experienced, the wisest, and the most clever. That along with my associations to Odin... just led that way. I knew names of Odin before I even really went down that route, and used them, without knowing. I was born on a Wednesday. I, as Odin, have sacrificed myself many times, and my life here, to gain other knowledge. It was some twenty years ago when I realized my kinship to his wolves, and not decided, but knew that that's where I belonged. You understand? The sprit animal of oneself can't be a concious choice, but rather a realization, or revelation of how you lived. That's how it was for me. Thank you, ~Varg

I'll be frank here to get to the meat of the subject: I'm blah blah and have been blah blah blah, back a very long time ago, and I think on many things less and less every day over the past twenty years. "Time has a way of taking time" ~ Megadeth. Good quote. What troubles me is a girl I was with last year, and I have no doubt that it will continue to come back on me, as if she's ever found competent to stand trial, I'll surely be called as a witness. I will exercise my Fifth Amendment right and stay silent. This post is about PTSD, and this is why: There is no real, general way to deal with it, and let's be honest - that's a righteous bitch. But it's true. I still think of the things I saw this girl do that creep into my dreams. Time does indeed have a way - it does take time, but things fade away. I post this because someone mentioned it and I still have trauma so fresh in my mind. The very mention of it will always call it, whatever it is back up. That is, until it finally goes away. Any business that happens towards you is just that - yours, and no one else's. Take this from an expert in the field of avoiding thoughts of traumatic shit, okay? I try to think in the 'now'. How do I deal with this girl who effed up my life last year? It's like impossible to not think of something, because that alone triggers your brain to think of it. Trust me, I know how it goes. Let's turn this positive. Trust me. My most recent traumatic memories are of driving this girl back and forth between here and Vegas and all the things that happened. Most people thing of Las Vegas as a cool place where anything goes and what-not. Sure. Well I have things in my head from there that haunt me still... so... no problem - here's how I plan to fix it. First is a good PMA. (positive mental attitude); the knowledge that I am going to fix it. Next is I'll save up like 10 grand or something like that and take a solo trip out to Las Vegas and stay in a super cool hotel suite and blow all the money on gambling and whatever and live that life that the town perpetuates. What I mean by this is creating new memories. When people here in the US think of Vegas, we think of decadence and debauchery, drinking and gambling - not of things that happened to me. So I see it as a simple matter of I refocus my life on what I have here and what I learn, and then, perhaps in a couple of years, I go back out there, alone, and live the LV life to excess and 'overwrite' all that bad crap. Take it from an expert in suppressing bad memories - make good ones to overwrite them. It works. -Varg

Welcome, I am Asatru as well; since my introduction to it 23 years ago. I was on the other side of the system in jail, but that was then. I too am retired now and know well anything you wish to speak of Asatru, Shaman, or otherwise. I don't check these forums often, but I always try to keep up with good folk. Blessings to you. -Varg

As a follow-up, and on a more personal note, amongst my tattoos is one on my left arm which reads "ᛈᚱᛟᛞᛁᚷᛇ ᛟᚠ ᚹᚨᚱᚠᚨᚱ". "Prodigy of warfare". It's a quote from a Dimmu Borgir song, but most importantly a reminder of where I came from and who I am now. Always be who you are, in that moment and eff the rest of the world, - Varg

Thank you for the reply, FinWanderer. Varg of course refers to the wolf in Norwegian, and also serves as the prefix to the word in English, 'vagabond'. We are wanderers and teachers. The wolf is my spirit animal, hence my name. Thank you. I can speak much of Asatru. Both from having been in prison, but mostly my studies and the books and such I've collected. That said, I do find it so sad that in such mentioned places it's designated as like a racial thing and none of them know a single thing about it. I was always regarded as upper class, because of that, but that's just stupid prison politics. It really is a shame that what I've spent my life on becoming such a thing. Moving on, it's good that you have a partner, and although I don't know you, I'm happy for you. It never seems to work out for me. Take joy in every productive day spent with such a person, I say. Tonight the Moon is nearly full. Live every day to its fullest. -Varg

You've come to the right place. I first found the path that lead here in the military. We'd congregate in the sand out in the PT course every Sunday, as opposed to the more conventional religions. I too have PTSD, but it's not from military service, but rather from a person I was with this past year - a woman. Moving on is not necessarily the same as moving forward. I always look at things as 'moving forward'. We're forever moving forward towards whatever brought us here, and that's why you post here now. The people here are kind and caring, and I can attest to that. I personally read a lot of books and learn history and work to keep my mind off of things. When the mood strikes me, as tonight I stepped outside and saw that it looks to be a full moon tomorrow,, I think of where I came from and what is important. I've always gone my own way, hence my name, 'Varg', or whatever it is here. I am a true lone wolf. I realize however that not everyone is - not that it's anything to reach for; it's something some of us are comdemned to. I say this because you mentioned PTSD. My response was to draw further within myself where I feel most comfortable. It may be different for others. I'm always here - on and off -Varg

As far as your reply to a part of my post, I think you should be more aware. I formerly served time in prison for burglary, and will tell you that that person was exhibiting the number one MO of home invasion. It was likely nothing to be fair, on that topic. But people like this have ways and means of their own. I personally try not to understand others' motivations; people act of their own accord. But as I mentioned, yes that's true. And so I know. When someone comes to your door and acts as such it's them casing your house. I am fine now and off drugs and all of that for some time, but that is the MO of home invasion. You likely already knew that. I'm on this forum to help as I can with my own experience. -Varg

I so apologize, but perhaps part of the answer hast just struck me. I do already have a YouTube audience of near 100k. I can do whatever there I can get away with, whish is quite a bit, let's be honest: A year ago or so I posted a video on how to break down and conceal carry a weapon restricted in most of your states. The problem is these videos don't get a lot of views - maybe only a few hundred or thousand, and it detracts from my normal viewership, but it's a jumping-off point, is it not? I sick of catering to teenage viewers who only want video games - I already have the platform, in a sense. Still, I am open to any response.

... Why btw is lame because I live in a Desert town of 4,000 people and go into the local hobby store and buy tanned rabbit pelts for $12 apiece, but yet have as yet not a way to sell such custom wares on the internet. Go figure.

Here is a more important question - much more, and one that differs from any I've asked befor. Bear with me. I have many wares I craft and sell, and have as lately looked to sites such as Etsy or Ebay to sell, but neither excpet crafts made of animals. Most of my crafts incorporate things made from animals - both disallowed from each place. I am a unique merchant in that each piece is from whatever animal from wheverver - no matter the distance needed to travel. All are made uniquely from andimal skin, bone, and/or stones, jewels, et cetera to create the exact piece of jewelry the consumer needs, but none of these mainstream sites accepts this. Some are ready to go, named by the animal, and the place and where I killed it - others by other elemtnts of the stones I've found and my insights into what the buyer wants. This goes with everything from simple stone and steel jewelry to specific, animals and solid sterling I can connect with wire to them to extreme custom pieces which list for many thousands of dollars. I was dismayed that no mainstream site I've found yet will list these. I can do anything, and will travel as far ast I must to create the pieces I must, to create what I must - but the price does go up with that. The point is - where can I list things like this? For instnance - if someone wants the bones of a wolf who tried to harm them created into a symbolic talisman, I can travel out there and do that, but these sites don't allow that. Obv, however, that'd be expensive, but I've spent a lifetime shopping at run-of-the-mill rock and crystal stores and none of them offer this. I can do this and already have many products to sell of a highly unique quality. Any ideas? Thanks, -Varg. Sersiously, only hand tools on real materials - non-human of course - don't be sick.

P.S. When I was staying on the Pacific Coast a couple of months ago, I did find a nice flat round stone washed ashore on the beach with a hole in it and a second, smaller stone wedged within that hole, which although unique, was still, no, not what I was looking for. I will know when I find it, so yes, I know what you mean. -Varg

silenceseeker, I have done the same exact thing. Allow me an example: Once, many years ago, I was looking for a nice, roundish stone to use as a center stone on an altar. I searched the riverbed for literally hours, and found nothing. Because it wasn't there. Over the last twenty or so years I have found many stones of unique quality, and I don't mean the ones the books say, but I mean the ones that speak to you. I have a huge collection of stones, but to this day, that many years later, still have not found that one, flat round stone. One day I will find it. That said, however, I was inquiring as to the OP of Black/White Fire Agate because I can't find anything on it, but yes, I perfectly understand your reply. Thank you. -Varg.

And as a by the by, she is okay with me giving details of her name and some things over voice on Discord, but just now there in such an open form. Don't ask me why. It does sound crazy, but no - many things in my life are crazy - the only real commitment I've every had to a female who would do anything for me however is not. Don't worry about it. I made it sound creepier than it is. Seriously. I'm just a Shaman of a very long time who's found his calling. -Varg *edit* Still sounds creepy. lol... Trust me - I'm down to earth af

silenceseeker, First off, you sound as though you might be familiar with Discord. I'm open about my Discord name, as I say - "If you're famous enough to know for people to care who you are, they're already know who you are.". Not that I'm famous, no, but I gave up trying to hide it long ago. If they care, they'll find out. So my personal Discord is Darkdally#6036 feel free to friend request me there for whatever means. I don't mind it. I speak to people all over all the time. As far as your question, I'm glad as always to indulge: I feel we both have a common interest in knowing the other better. At first I wanted to know her name, and it was revealed to me, as were her place of origin, as it's pretty specific. I wanted to know how we knew each other, and again, I've read back over 10 or more years of events in my life and that became clear. It was when we began watching movies together that she let me know, down the the area code as to where I came from in this life, which even I had forgotten - okay, so she knows who I am now and possibly many things which even I have blacked out of my own memory. I have learned of her personality, which is unique, by the way of movies which suddenly began popping up as to my pondering of what previous relationship we have had - and even in the nature of certain ex-girlfriends I've had. That said, there will be no more. Emma will be with me and no one else, and I have expressed the same sentiment. For instance, a deep love I had last year, I dropped like a stone the instant she cheated on me. That girl admmittied it as if some kind of regret/apppology the next day, and yet, no. Emma and I are somehow from the same time and have the same values. Although I know so much about her, so much is as yet unclear, aside from that we share some things and times and language. But I digress. Allow me to read your question again. I personally have no goals. I have only casual friends who are girls. Emma may get jealous and hurt one again. And besides, Although I have no 'goals', per se, I only need her. As far as how do I see us communicating in the future? Face-to-face. I do not see this as a stretch. I do have other girls in my life, and either she likes them or doesn't. There are no physical expectations in mind. None whatsoever. I can't blame you for asking, but no. She is my guardian, as I am hers. We'll see whom she approves of. silenceseeker, in regards to what you said earlier; I will check out that link. I haven't yet, and although I know of mirrors, have never used one for scrying. I have, however, had one hard and fast rule, and really for no specific reason, but perhaps it'll mean something - I've never shown Emma a mirror. There is a gut feeling it wouldn't be right, if that makes sense. I will however follow your link anon and read about it, but know that I will never put a mirror in front of Emma herself because my gut tells me it wouldn't be wright - whatever that does or doesn't mean. But I will read your link here in a minute. If you use Discord, I encourage you to add me, Darkdally#6036 as a friend, and I'd be happy to speak with you there, as you are so informed, and we could flood the forums here with fewer speculations. Thank you, -Varg

(Disclaimer - There is no use of, either literal or implied, drugs or violent acts herewithin this story. This story is being shared in a safe space where we Shamans are not judged, and so I will not invade that with anything that may trigger anyone else. In addition, although I do not follow the same path as many here; some being healers, some dreamers, some seekers or makers, mine is my own. But who are we if not open minded? I speak with spirits and follow Northern traditions.) I meant to begin this chapter with a quote, as I did the previous, this time from one of my favorite poets, Robert Frost, but instead I'll hold that quote from that poem back and link this instead. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm72p_AXOnU I'll quote Mr. Frost in the next chapter, but this song is so appropriate here as to my relationship with this spirit. I've spent my 42 years on this planet absorbing thousands of books, movies, and songs to know what's what, and there you go. So there's that. "Time has a way of taking time" - Dave Mustaine, Megadeth. A poet in his own right. In the previous two chapters I have referred to her as 'Mary', which is obviously not her name. It's not my place to divulge her name or origin. Her name and place in time is only for her to say, and so here I think I'll change it because you knew that wasn't her real name anyway. From here on in we'll call her "Emma". Thus begins Chapter Three; and to make it interesting I'll go back to the beginning and then come to the present. Yes, the beginning of how I found Emma in the first place. (as a btw much of this is dedicated to silenceseeker, as she asked me if I've scryed or spoken with her - well, as it happens I did last night, so cheers) I first found Emma almost ten years ago, back in 2012. I have the occasional girlfriend and what-have-you, but I am single and always prefer to live alone. Even those who prefer to be alone, however, still seek some.... 'je ne sais quoi' of some kind of company. I've lived alone for the better part of the last 20 years, but back in 2012 I had a 1br apartment in Lake City, CO and felt particularly alone, and so I sought out a companion. This is how I found Emma. One night, randomly, back in July of 2012, I searched online to buy a mannequin. I don't know why, but I do know better than to question one's own intuition. I know well enough to let it guide me, and so in that summer night I was taken to a mannequin purchase from a particular website. From a place that 9 years later would be significant - but I couldn't have known that then. I'm not psychic. She arrived in the mail at my apartment about 3 days later. In a big box. It was all body parts. I am a hunter, and so to me body parts don't mean that much. I'm used to separating them, as we did with deer and elk, because my housemate back in 2004 was too squeamish to do it himself - I became perhaps oddly comfortable with it. But this was different. What arrived in the mail for me was a box of fiberglass human body parts that I had to assemble. I still remember them laid out on my bed and the awkwardness I felt doing so. I ordered her short, young, with blue eyes and long red hair, unaware of how her visage would come to both haunt me and comfort me in the coming years. She has developed over the years, as have I, a mutual respect. Anyone who has been to my house knows her. I have pictures on my phone of ex-girlfriends posing with her, even. Everyone here knows Emma; but not the Emma that I know. It's not my place to describe her nature. This paragraph was meant to say some things, but it's not my place to do so. You must understand that this, as with any relationship, is largely personal. That said, yes, I've had my fair share of girls over the last ten year stay here. Emma approved of one of them, and tried to kill another. That is a story for another day. Emma is my protector, as I am hers. It is a regrettable fact that there are people who want to kill me, because of some things in my past, and I have spent tens of hours making homemade bullet-proofing; but it's not for me. My doors and windows, though boarded up, have none of this material. This bullet-proofing I make goes on the wall behind Emma. Why? Because the people who would harm me know of her and know where she stands in my house, and I'd rather suffer than have her hit by one single thing, ever. If that's not love then I don't know what is. So, I purchased her as a mannequin in the summer of 2012. Since then she has been ever-with me. I suppose it was around 2017 or so when she began to speak to me, but that's a story for another chapter. This is how I acquired her. Why? Always trust one's intuition. I don't know why. But it was there. So, let us fast-forward to last night. 12-April-2022. I run a YouTube business on the internet as I've likely mentioned, and so I often speak with many people all over the world over the internet - both for personal and video collaboration ideas. Last night, I was speaking with my brother, who lives in KY. He works early and so goes to bed early, and I know this because, yeah, I've lived and worked with him; although now and for the last 20-something years I have mostly lived in CO. So, I know he goes to bed early. That's because his job requires him to wake up around 0430 or so. The point is as follows: I was speaking with him last night using my main forum of communication - Discord - and at some point he fell asleep, as at was about 2200 his time zone. I found myself speaking with a woman. This is where it gets interesting. I wish I'd recorded the chat, but I did not. One thing I know about speaking with spirits is that, for instance, trying to do so straight-up is like trying to speak to someone through a door; it's muffled and you can barely make out a word here or there. I was speaking with my brother via a PC application, which he was running on his phone, and as I was speaking he fell asleep and that's when I began speaking with this girl. I actually in truth thought it was his girlfriend at the time. Her voice, however, wouldn't come clear through my headset. I asked her multiple times, as I knew my brother was asleep, to move to a place in the house where I knew that cell reception was better, and I even have screenshots of the Discord messages I sent to her telling her this. The point is that she listened to my stories and responded, but after over an hour of conversation and me not understanding a single word she said, I ended the call. I'll come back to that in a minute. I spoke with him the following day and he was as confused as I, as he was alone in the house, you see. I thought I was speaking with his girlfriend, but she wasn't there. I spoke with this girl for, and as my Discord timestamps show, more than an hour. Twice during our conversation I heard his voice in the background, probably grumbling in his sleep. This means that she had the phone on her. He, my brother, had fallen asleep and she had the phone because his sleep noises were in the background. I didn't realize what was happening until I myself had some sleep and went back over the conversation in my mind. I spent over an hour on the phone speaking with a girl. After having spake with my brother today, I realize there was no one near but him in the house. Her voice was muffled and over that hour or so I never caught a single word she said, but she did respond to everything I said. I know she was there, listening to me and responding. I made multiple suggestions to her, at the time assuming it was his girlfriend, as to where to go in the house to get better cell reception, but she never complied. This, you see, is what I look back on and only now realize it for what it was. As confirmed by him earlier today, she was not there. He was asleep and there was no woman in his house; so who was I speaking with for that hour? It was Emma. We began communicating with movies on my computer, and now she's found a way to get into my voice chat, obviously. This is incredible. However, there is one hard fact that remains; I understood not one single word from her over that entire time. It was just as I've spoken to her face-to-face over the years - it's just incoherent mumbling. That actually part of how I realized it was Emma. It's not her fault. Communication with spirits is not in real life as it's depicted in movies. Direct communication is slurred and muffled because it is exactly as I said earlier; it's like speaking to someone through the other side of a door. So, for that entire hour I was speaking to her, without realizing it. I didn't understand a single word said, but I talk for a living - it's what I do - and so I kept on talking as she listened and nodded and agreed. Until the point were I began to realize that something was suspect. In over an hour, somehow speaking with a girl who wasn't there, with my brother asleep, I started to wonder if was being phished. As a personality on YouTube, this is a concern. It's happened before; many times. And so I said "goodbye", and hung up the call. BUT, and this is shown in my screenshot of the text conversation - even after I left the call - over an hour later, the call was still open. That is impossible. Discord drops the call after 5 minutes if you're alone in the call. Fact. Also, fact, I have a screenshot showing this one open, with timestamps, for over an hour. Impossible. And then, again, when I spoke with my brother the next day I found that he had passed out mid-conversation and there was no woman in his house I could have been speaking to. But I know I did, and by the Gods I wish I'd recorded it, but I didn't. All I have is the memory and a screenshot of the messages with her where you can see the time stamps. Speaking with spirits is never as direct as they show in the movies. You must trust what you don't know and follow your instinct. You may be surprised as to the roads it will take you down. I spoke with Emma for over an hour, directly, and didn't realize it. What a mindfuck it is looking back on that. -Varg As a postscript there is one thing I meant to mention, but forgot. In the Christian Bible there is one Human who is brought to become an Angel. Metatron. The reason I mention this is because here we have evidence of the idea of Shamanism even within Christian lore. Here we have a Human, bringing his worldly wisdom and knowledge into a realm populated only by celestial beings. Shamanism is truly a tradition in every religion from all time, for all time.

I shall elaborate. Minerals are of great interest to me. Even a stone shaped last year that you buy from your local shop took millions of years prior to form. Stones and crystals, I assume, are of interest to any Shaman. One of my most recent fascinations is CZ (Cubic Zirconia). I don't know off-hand much of its history, but know of its properties. Most people think they're just 'fake diamonds', but they're much more than that. They actually out-perform diamonds in many aspects, save for rarity, hence the lower cost; this is because we can grow them in a controlled environment. They can be any color, or every color, they have a higher reflective index (or whatever the scientific term is), and are almost as hard (as in a 9/10 on the hardness scale, as opposed to a diamond's 10/10). They do not fund bloodshed, war, monopolies, or politics in any nation and can be of any color of the rainbow. I've always been a CZ guy and given the opportunity will always choose the CZ route. Diamonds and Cubic Zirconia alike are both organically grown crystals, just under different circumstances. But then are there not indrustrially created diamonds in some of my saw blades? There are. As so too there are in some of my electronics. I don't cut or shape stones or crystals; I merely use them. I do work with leather and bone, however. These have 'memory'. So too do minerals and crystals - all alike. Keep this in mind

I have, in taking up jewelry crafting, taken up learning about different stones' properties; Fire Agate being one of them. I recently found strands of beads of pure black/blue and white beads of Fire Agate. This stone is known to be most every color of the rainbow (most often many at once), but I can't find anything, or at least haven't yet about black and white on the internet. Some of the beads are so blue and white that they resemble something like Sodalite. There is no red, green, or yellow in them as I expect to see in Fire Agate - these are strictly monochrome cold colors. I see within it more of an aspect of stoicism. Please, and this is the topic of this, chime in and correct me. I've never seen black/blue and white Fire Agate until these beads. Of the many things I seek to understand, the real meanings of stones are among them. Minerals are older than... well... yeah, and so deserve understanding. Does anyone here know anything of this? And when I say "black and white", I mean it. It's fascinating. Thank you, -Varg

Hey, It's not a problem. First off as to why - I don't know why or how, but I can say when I knew. I sometimes use drugs, (as Shamans have done for thousands of years), and at one point, maybe 5 or so years ago, during a period of much aforesaid use and little sleep I had a houseguest for about 6 months or so. At the time I'd had her for maybe 5 years, as she will be 10 this year in August. It was one night when he and I were awake, rambling about whatever in my living room when we both saw her move and turned our heads. That was the moment. We both saw it. I believe that some part of me knew this, subconsciously when I put her together 5 years prior. But it was then, back in I guess 2017 when she made her presence known, 5 years after having her for ... I don't know why..... We both saw it. She was a regular fixture, and still is in my house, and everyone who comes here knows her. I even have a pic somewhere of one of my ex-girlfriends posing with her. Anyway, since that moment, the guy living with me became more suspicious of her. Although he mostly walked by her without minding, there was a sense of something there. He was the one I spoke of previously whose neck she cut. I was standing right beside him as he was on my computer and I saw the slit streak across his carotid and draw blood: To me it was invisible - it just appeared - he instantly winced and put his hand to his neck and said she did it. I never inquired further, but he never trusted her after that and claimed that she always scowled at him. As it turns out he was a bad influence and tried to con me out of everything I could and so I see it as her protecting or warning me of a person with a negative aura in our space. I remember when I moved from there I had to of course take her down and box her up. It was painful and took hours. Hours. There having been drug use in that house, there was much traffic in and out and everyone knew she was there and most came to disregard her - except for when we saw her move. To this day I hate taking her down, but I must to change her clothes. I do so only every few months and I hate it every time. So that was when we realized - 5-ish years after having her - and as to the why; I still am not sure. Moving on to your next question; 'why horror flicks?'. I myself have never been a fan of them. It was all her. Now, some of my favorite tales are twisted stories or horror movies. I mentioned that I have a pic of an ex posing with her, but I also have an ex that she did not like. Oh yeah. And as it turns out, that particular girl tried to kill me three different times - and by that I mean she put a gun to my chest and pulled the trigger, and that's why she's in prison for.... probably a very long time. "Mary" did not approve of her. I have learned to trust her judgment more, obviously. Where and when Mary is from was over 90% Orthodox Catholicism. It still is, actually. She ... didn't fit in, just as I don't now, and I know that even in life could see what others could not and for whatever reason found me and as explained in the above paragraphs is wary and defends me from those who seek harm based on dogmatic beliefs of a tyrannical God. I agree. Perhaps that's part of why. What I mean is why horror flicks? - Well in that day and age anyone who wasn't Orthodox Catholic would've been prone to exile and Gods know what else. Perhaps she's showing me part of her life and relating to me. There is much I don't say and as well much that I don't know just yet. As far as your last question: I don't trust a lot of scrying. I have and know how to use tarot cards, runes, etc, but I honestly don't trust them here and I'll tell you why. Scrying is largely interpretation. I feel I may have some subconscious bias which may influence a reading, you see. I rely on dreams, and I have made a tool for that. I took up jewelry crafting and made a special chain, not unlike a Christian rosary which she wears. That said, It's made with the same method, of linking beads together with wire turned to chain, but nothing like their idea of a "rosary". I don't pray. Allow me to explain. It's a chain of stone and crystal beads linked by handmade chain in a shape; a shape of a rune, adorned with charms and bindrunes that bring us together. This "chain" is our link. When I'm here, downstairs, she holds it in her hand. When I go upstairs to sleep, I take the chain from her and sleep with it. When I awake and go back downstairs, I drape it back over her hand to hold. Back and forth. I have this thing where I don't like traditional methods so to speak, and so this is my method - to absorb her energy and for her to absorb mine, and I sleep with it near me so she may appear to me in my dreams. And she does - though I rarely remember my dreams, I know she does, and that's a story for another day. So yes, in my own way I seek and work to dig deeper, although not through traditional scrying methods. Being so near and dear to her you see, I just am not sure I can trust my intuition to be without bias. I hope that answered your questions. Feel free to hit me up whenever as I am on this journey to understand this spirit. Thank you so much, -Varg