FinWanderer

Ahh okay, Are you sure it did not go into spam folder, I can see if I could re-send it without the password. But it should show up just normally, in your email... And then it will ask for that password I messaged in your inbox. I just thought it was kind of "weird", especially taken out of context, so I figured that, hmm, it's better if there's a password so less chance that someone else reads it. Don't worry about being busy, it's fine. But I think because my email address is uncommon, and you have Gmail, it could easily go to "spam".

Hmm, yeah I think I do sometimes have these encounters, which I could further interpret. Sometimes I just get lost in the stampede of interpretations after interpretations. But I think know that feel when you discover flashes of some hidden truth. I will think about emailing, somehow I'm feeling uneasy about sharing too much about my persona via internet nowadays. I'm not even active on typical social medias. Well I do have a pinterest and steam account, but no facebook for example. I read your story about your encounters with the spirits btw, it was a lot to go through, sounds like very personal experience ,- difficult to translate that kind of experiences to other people. And perhaps there comes the issue with myself too, I'm not sure what should I tell about myself so it's not irrelevant or too much. My favorite band, if i had to pick one is Nokturnal Mortum, but i don't even listen to black metal everyday, i'm quite flexible with my music taste, Nokturnal's music is kind of mixture between shamanic and black metal, well, I suppose its "Folkish black metal". Drudkh, is also good, and also Ukranian.

I thought we would get along to some extent, even though there must be many differences in our lifestyles. Then there are similarities too, and somehow we were drawn here, this must be a mental ward. the maker people are the staff, but we the fugitives have our own theories, staff goes shaking their head. Perhaps I must mention that I'm probably more harsh to any shaman, than a normal person would be, because I know about the cold reading technique some people use. So they really had to tell me something that I haven't given them already. And that shaman who I spoke of kind of missed it because we had 1 hour video call + 4 hours of IRL conversation before her session. So, vague representations of what might have been going on explained in symbolism didn't quite convince me. And I sensed the oppressive being/energy being just annoyed for that shaman claiming to have gotten rid of it. Not only that she claimed that she restored parts of mine and my spouses soul, and she did this remotely - it's a lot of claims at once. I have been told things online earlier, by a witch not shaman, but she too used shamanic type of travelling to check things for me- Some of those things may have been right, but I can't say yes or no because we also talked a lot, and I haven't been able to fact check everything. Also I did not pay her like I paid the IRL shaman so it's irrelevant in that way to compare. And I never precisely asked her about spirit animal. Even though the tattoo is cool idea, don't you feel that you have further condemned yourself to be that prodigy? it's your personal business, your tattoos ofc. I know it’s a two way street, not because I knew of your experiences, but because it often is, and that’s why there is both, a bullet in your flesh, yet strength found in that fact. You have made it so. I could think of few animals that could be my spirit animal, but I would like to be sure, like actually meeting it in some fantastical way, yes I expect them to talk to me :-D. What kind of benefit does knowing your spirit animal give you? does it help you get around in life and beyond ?

My own solution has been that “if I can’t change the past, and I can’t - might as well not worry about it” and also that it’s very difficult to know in advance or retrospect that what decisions might have worked better, that constant live in regret wouldn’t make life better. Must just let those thoughts flow, otherwise the ocd will just make it worse like you said. I’m sure some sort of shamanic/magical work would give me more of my energy back thought. Every moment has potential to be amazing, right? not that we should worry about it too much. Also you could do this second trip to Vegas, and if it doesn't go well as planned, don't worry you can just conclude that Vegas is not for you. You could also pick another destination of "alternative healing", maybe Amsterdam?

That tattoo idea is quite cool actually, you must know your runes well, for now I couldn't make such phrases without using online translator. Dimmu has come less interesting after they kicked out Vortex and Mustis, 1998 and 1999 cd's are pretty good example of their better work, although I did like in sorte diaboli, which was not always common among the fans. Even though I seem chatty, every reply I post here kind of hurts me. with frustration, despair, and shame. Isn't that weird? not saying that I was twisting in agony, but still.

Yeah, I know very well it means wolf, that's probably why that famous Varg also changed his name to that, from "Kristian" which ... means Christian, heheh. Hmm, yeah it's interesting that Asatru is so much in contact with jail in Americas, it's hard to comment anything on that. I don't think it's necessarily only bad that it's a racial thing there, the other ethnicities are sure to have their own things, so why not something for European originated people as well. Hmm, it's kind of awkward to comment more on that otherwise. What I'm basically saying, is that I'm glad if it helps, but I'm also unsure if its anywhere near the same as what they practice as Asatru or Forn Sidr in scandinavian countries. Here in Finland may be only solitary asatrus or private groups, old finnish religion is basically more diverse set of beliefs, part shamanism, part polytheism, part animism, part black magic. "Karhun kansa" is finnish folk religion organization, although they have only 65 members. You'd be surprised what kind of folk magic we had, it's quite vulgar, and less known these days even among finns. Being a "man-witch" was more common unlike in Scandinavia, even though many magical customs had to do with showing female genitalia. Very diverse set on beliefs really, perhaps influence from both west and east. I know nobody asked but I was narcistic enough to represent my country anyways, hahah. I'm not sure about my spirit animal, how did you find yours? I was told what mine was by a shaman, but I just find her whole story about "my curse" difficult to believe.

Now that I have calmed down, I just want to say I did make some exaggerations to make a stance, of course good manners and moderations are valued by Aesir for example, if you are reading havamal you can see this is so, they are not the only deities in such broad term as “Norse paganism” thought, and even they are partly devourers (Jotun). What I just meant that there hardly is any “Norse paganism” that can be legitimately recognized, and said to have certain common “noble” goal, society was in my knowledge very different back then. Thor told me when I "hallucinated" him speaking in sleep paralysis years ago, that if I invite A guest I should have something to offer, so I have to admit that some gods themselves might value some good manners, or then they are just demanding. https://mythus.fandom.com/wiki/Jötunn there is also deities family tree in that link.

Actually I just add my suspicions here so I get this out of my mind, To be honest, Seems to me that you are following some sort of new-gnostic sect of Norse paganism, which I’m neither condemning or recommending, I’m just telling you that there is no such noble eightfold path in something called “Norse paganism” which is very broad term. Catholics could say, that I’m a grievous sin against the virtue of religion, that would be correct. You don’t have to believe me, just research, from sources that have citations preferably. Even then you don’t find the answers, but you can come up with them yourself. It’s paganism, there is no common goal, that’s the whole reason why rulers can’t use it as a tool to run nations. Its not noble, it’s not evil either, it is real, it is dark, it is light. You can adopt virtues if you want, but those are just personal values, and maybe your pacts with some deities. In paganism, as in nature, there are no virtues, only survival remains, only twilight between life and death. I think a lot of people who think are following “Norse paganism” are following revamp of some other religion, described and associated with Norse deities, this is why I wanted to rant. Study broadly and you’ll recognize what you are dealing with. SO, REGARDING THE TOPIC, there is not IDEAL, afterlife in "Norse mythology/religion" as there is no religion (Except nowadays recognized in Iceland and Denmark, you can ask them what do they think). Whatever groups there are in USA, there are too many for me to study and comment.

Well... I have no clue what to say, where have you read that about Valhalla ? The only thing I'm "worried" here is that a lot of people will see Valhalla / Valhöll as some sort of ideal, in all my understanding there is no ideals in the old ways, in a way it's very "selfish" religion, it's actually not religion at all, so in that way the rest of what you said rings true, it's all experiential. But if we are using these terms, then citing some source would be vital, at least in public discussion, we can all have our personal experiences of course. I also suggest lookin up Slavic folk religion, they have very similar gods to Thor, Loki, and Odin, Perun being obviously like Thor, but Veles might seem more like mixture of Odin and Loki, there is some eastern influence in those religions, it seems - but the positive side is that it's less "tainted" by popular culture, at least I ought to think so, but it's also harder to find information, and I don't claim expertise. What I'm suggesting that comparing different European folk tales/religions might be to your liking. * I want to add that I don't think it's any use to think "Vikings" were saints, I'm not saying that you are claiming this either, also us Finns aren't really Scandinavians, but I'm sure a lot of beliefs were adopted, but more "dark and mixed" around here, this is symbolic Jotunheim, and land of the witches. people have just forgotten that. But it is true that even catholic church once condemned us. But for example instead of Wotan, the bear was revered here as ancestor god, also a lot of folk religion is basically what is called black magic nowadays :-D. but it could be said that Kalevala's Väinämöinen has resemblance to Odin/Wotan, and Lönrott's Kalevala was inspired by old folk tales, this however is something that I have to look into later myself, I just recently discovered the idea of this comparison. ** I also I'm not sure where have you got this concept of lower nature ETC, Norse heathenry is basically based on tales of gods, and people, they all act differently - this is what I'm trying to say, there is no ideal, there is no savior it is symbolized in the tale where Jörmungandr and Aesir Thor kill each other, as if ouroboros was biting its own tail. In that sense it's easy to see why it's not popular as religion, it's very individualistic, there is no great common goal. Modern churches can of course make such goals, but I'm just saying, that it's lacking any proof for me that there would have been such originally. Perhaps druidism or something like that would be more in line with "self improvement" of some sorts, but even that is very unknown to us today, and is surely consisting of wide variety of different traditions considering that it took about 20 years to become one. Valhöll was a thing of mercenaries, but it was not particularly sacrifice for greater good, religion, or nation they would do, look up Jomsvikings it is said they would even fight for Christian lords if they were compensated, even if Jomsvikings were strictly pagan. Then look up the Varangian guard, you see where I'm going here, those were simpler times in some sense, people were not as much looking relief of moksha or nirvana. I could go on and on, but maybe I wait for reply now, heheh. I'm not mocking ancient europeans either, on the contrary, i'm just trying to be realistic. The scandic religion, only exist as recognized religion in Iceland and Denmark I think, but I don't know if they claim to be the "original" stuff either.

Hi Rodulf, and silenceseeker too. It's amusing how this forum is almost overtaken by people jarring about Norse paganism, including myself. Although I could also comment more on Finnish side of things if anyone asked :-D Maybe it is some sort of magnetism causing this "invasion" but at least it is an invasion, from neighboring cultures, it is not wholly alienated - even if maker shamanism does seem somewhat Indian / Chinese influenced, which it probably is not thought considering it's origination. Me on the other hand, I'm here to represent myself, looking for help, and depending on your religion might appear as Loki or other sort of contradictory figure. At least that is how I feel when I'm commenting, can't say because I don't see your gestures :-D. Simplification of this is that my opinions might not represent maker's either, just a guest on this forum too.

It has been silent on this forum, but since I saw this let me just comment what I know, Now that there is internet... and so many forums, there are many speculations of metaphors, and some of them might of course be right. But for my understanding, Ginnungagap is meaning of primal chaos, where opposing energies or worlds, duality, collision, of polar energies - Niflheim and Muspelheim, fire and ice. Maybe that george R.R martin guy named his books after this (haven't watched or read the series) "songs of fire and ice". Listen to the song "Danheim & Gealdýr - Ymir" for tale of creation of worlds, for more poetic explanation. Soul in nordic cosmology usually is 3-parted, one of these parts is Fylgja which is nordic equivalent of power animal, Rudolf Siimek's book "dictionary of Norse mythology" is great for looking up these terms, but I'm too lazy to fetch it from the casket right now. Only very few people would go to Valhalla, there could have been numerous destinations I suppose, along with reincarnation, but Helheim sure would be more common than Valhalla, which in my understanding is not even a world, but a hall of elite warriors who kill each other every night, and eat Särimner's respawning meat every day. So basically its killing and diet of pork everyday, not idealistic for everyone, but I assume it would be exageration. I think we are already immortal, there is just different ways of being, being immortal as a biological human sure would be extreme comparing the average life span of what, 70 years? to unlimited time, but maybe that is wholly another subject and something that cannot be discussed in internet forums. I think keeping the threads intact is cool... but not everyone does, the Indian/ Himalayan religions seem to be fond of dissolving, where as the near-eastern religions are about keeping intact, and pagans are usually something in-between, isn't it weird? this multitude of religious ideals.

Hi, Funny thing, i'm somewhat close to asatru, i have heard Thor speaking in sleep paralyzis. But i'm sure in many ways i'm very different than you, for example you seem very much identified with manliness, where as i'm biologically male but psychologically i'm of no specific gender, but that's how the seidrs are too -> sorcery was "forbidden" or at least shunned for male people, and they'd dress in female clothes to become of no gender. Maybe this is why when i was younger i flipped out at baba yaga when she came, told her i was a man - even if i had asked for her to teach me. I also did not go to military training, even if its a standard in my country =), don't know if you despise that decision with your background. I do have a hunting license thought, but i have never actually hunted, and I would want to do it in fair and ethical way, like bow hunting. The prey would have a chance, and uhh, i would get boost from actually managing to hunt something with a bow. I do kind of collect weaponry with my spouse thought, CO2 guns, knives, swords, axes. I'd say regardless of our gender we both express both genders. I always automatically always think of Varg Vikernes, when i see the name Varg :-D. Suppose in my weirdness i'm more like mr Espedal (Gaahl) than Varg, but not exactly. I'm not sure are these people even popular in USA, so you might be wondering what the hell. But perhaps you listen to Wardruna? Gaahl was formerly associated with them, and their lead singer was associated with Gorgoroth. mentioning these people was somewhat trivial, but the meaning was to sort out the cultural context, of both art and shamanism in our living spheres. More like a pagan in general myself, than a specific type of shaman, a lot of people of course have problem calling themselves/others shamans anyways if they are not tribally chosen, but i don't much care about that. I think saying that I was a shaman would make no difference for someone who is not into paganism and all that. I'd be a bad shaman anyways, i can sense a lot of things - but i also mess up a lot. If you have read Sapkowskis hussite trilogy, i'm like the Reinmar Bielau guy, always running in to troubles of some sort. (If you have read it, don't spoil it, i'm waiting for Lux Perpetua finnish translation this summer).

Another, Funny thing actually, apparently the previous tenant in this apartment was some sort of a fundamental Christian, might be part of the reason why the energy here is so different from mine, it's as if i had to burn incense 24/7 to be able to breathe. I mean his mail is still coming, regarding to some other mail, which i have not opened but can read the labels... he is dead, this is second time I'm getting dead persons mail in last years. Well to be more precise, i think in this case, the dead person's son lived here... But the mail was turned here for reason or another. This second reply is quite trivial anyways, i do not identify my problems with this particular case, as they have been present before - this is just another example in the list of weirdness. Which i know yes, can occasionally happen on random, but i don't think that's the case.

Living environment... that's an interesting topic Kind of same problem here, except that we have tried to move about 7 times in the past six years, yet the same crap happens every time in different orders. Problems with the apartment itself, problems with the neighbors, if these don't exist in the beginning they will start emerging, but often they emerge very fast or immediately when we move in. They also tend to add up the longer we stay in one place. Once we stayed for 2 years, and besides of the neighbors constantly ??? jumping towards the wall or what not, and drilling holes all the time, some other neighbors started clanging on the radiator at 3 o clock in the morning, and just the day before we moved from there someone broke into our storage unit to mess it up. Sigh, even in most peaceful looking neighborhoods there is something weird incoming when we move in. Neighbor dancing in the storage units room in middle of night, roof making terrible noise at the wind, mold, someone making bottle bombs and exploding them at night, sudden invasion of house flies in autumn, neighbors playing music at 5 am, when playing music (or just weird background noises???). i mean the list goes on and on. Tried energy cleansing too but doesn't seem to do much. Current place where i'm living, it's really weird... because i lived here in this very same building a lot of years ago. The energy around here is terrible! And i know i'm not supposed to be here, somehow i ended up here, hopefully to close something off my life, so i can go on with my own life. Btw, about cleansing, it's interesting that both me and my spouse felt anxious after burning mugworth. I actually think that at this point, i have some sort of PTSD like symptoms because of having so many different, yet similar issues on every place where we have lived in past years. We actually got a shamanic healer to help us with our constant problems, last summer... But it seems she only made them worse, than what they had been for a while. So I cannot help not to regret getting help from her. She claimed to have seen a lot, and done a lot. But she also claimed that she promised nothing, although i feel like she kind of did. Difficult to explain, but what I mean, I'm quite sure, in my case there is some sort of malevolence playing upon this loop.