Sphinxy

Hi Colin - I feel at least part of the key to answering your question is connected to the girl you met. If you focus on her, does she remind you of someone or something? Why would a piece of your soul attach to her in particular? If she indeed has this part of you (and what you're saying isn't metaphorical), is there a way to get it back from her? It also seems to me that your Kundalini awakening was disrupted and that can easily cause depression - compared to the intense circulation of energy you felt before, your energetic input and output are more restricted. You might consider trying to safely and gently reconnect to and catalyze the flow of this energy within you, through a discipline such as meditation or yoga.

Cammie, I feel this way often. I think you're picking up to some degree the collective detachment of the human race - their absorption into technology, vain pursuits of status, etc - but also how the spiritual path in particular is isolating and demands a large amount of self-cultivation and individuation that others rarely reciprocate. A large proportion of thinkers and visionaries have felt very alone, so this doesn't indicate anything negative about you. I used to think I was somehow weak for desiring a high quality of connection with strong, creative, emotionally-developed individuals - that I couldn't satisfy this need by connecting with myself alone - but I came to realize it was merely my constitution to need this. I'm not sure if it's possible where you live, but I'd recommend connecting in person with other individuals on the shamanic path - doing trades with each other for healing work, or merely exploring together. You might also find that as you develop spiritually, you have to re-learn energetically how to mesh with others, and that (this sounds cliche but I've found it true) only certain people are able to deeply connect at the heart - seek them out, and set intentions to guide you.

Ralph - I agree that reading alone isn't very transformative, but I have found that contemplating intricate ideas in addition to tuning my perception and energy in crazy ways through shamanic work has brought me very far in terms of understanding on both an energetic and conceptual level. Perhaps not everyone is made to be a thinker, but I see no reason why the thinking mind can't come along for the journey to other realms and ways of being, so long as it realizes its proper place and is itself transformed, free from the clutches of fear and linear processing. Here's a quote I like: "Intuitive thinking is only possible through deep contemplation. Stitching together a patchwork of other people’s ideas is not sufficient to move forward in a revolutionary way. If you really want to figure things out, take time to contemplate deeply. This involves focusing inward to become ever more sensitive to your intuition, ever more capable of discerning between genuine intuition and subjective bias. It also involves cranking up your intellect to follow through with the suggestions intuition provides, to look for holes and inconsistencies, to unravel an intuitive “thought ball” into words clear enough for others to understand. Good intuition and good thinking leads to good truth analysis. If an idea feels off, then find out exactly why it feels off. If an idea feels right, then find out exactly why. You are not finished until you clearly understand the intuitive impression, have logically dissected it, and can convey it accurately in words. Doing so is a divine act because it gives clear voice to spirit. It is really an internal communion, a nonverbal socratic dialogue between the lower self and the higher Self. You turn within, pose the question, feel out the possibilities, investigate the results, correct misunderstandings, apply them, test them, revise them, learn from them, ask and receive, feel out and figure out, realize and transcend."

I'm having difficulty discerning if everything written about here is true, though I can tell at least a fair deal of it is. Source It's a very long article, so I'm copying some of the more thought-provoking, important and controversial statements below. Bolded statements are from the original text. The form of the article is an interview between "ATS" (a reporter for an occult/conspiracy forum and 32nd degree mason) and "HH" (a "hidden hand" behind the global agenda who belongs to an offworld bloodline). All quotes are from HH. 1. "The One Infinite Creator (or Great Central Sun) steps down It's Infinite Energy to become Logos. Logos in turn designs vast Universes of Space (as yet unmaterialized), stepping down and splitting Itself again, into Logoi (plural), in other words, into an array of Central Suns which will each become a Logos (or 'co-creator') of It's own Universe, with each unique individualized portion of the One Infinite Creator, containing within It as It's very essence, Intelligent Infinity. Using the Law of Free Will, each Universal Logos (Central Sun) designs and creates It's own version or perspective of 'physical reality' in which to experience Itself as Creator. Stepping down again, It focuses It's Intelligent Energy and creates the unmanifest form of Galaxies within Itself, and splits Itself into yet further 'co-creator' portions ('Sub-Logos' or Suns) which in turn will then design and manifest their own ideas of physical reality in the form of points of Conscious Awareness that we call Suns Stars and Planets. A 'planetary entity' (or 'Soul') begins the first Density of experience, into which another individualized portion of The One can incarnate. Just as with all Logos and Sub Logos of Creation, each Soul is yet another smaller unique portion of The Infinite One." 2. "Your Creator, the one you have called 'Yahweh', is not "God" inasmuch as your bible refers to him as being "the One True God". He is 'a' Creator (or Sub-Sub-Logos) rather than the One Infinite Creator. He is not even a Galactic level Logos, but rather, is the Planetary Logos for this one planet. Our Creator [here, "we" is referring to the off-world consciousness connected to the Illuminati], is the one you refer to as 'Lucifer', "The Light Bearer" and "Bright and Morning Star". Our Creator is not "The Devil" as he has been spuriously portrayed in your bible. Lucifer is what you would call a "Group Soul" or "Social Memory Complex",which has evolved to the level of the Sixth Density, which in effect, means that he (or more accurately "'we") has evolved to a level sufficient that he (we) has attained a status equal or arguably 'greater' than that of Yahweh (we have evolved higher than him)." 3. One of the more tenuous but intriguing statements, if it's true. Here the speaker is describing why the elite supposedly are creating an abundance of negativity on this planet. "If we do not have a Negative Harvest, we are bound with you for another cycle. Once this Great Harvest is completed, our Contract with the Council and our Creator is also completed. In other words, we have done our duty, and would be free to return to our Fullest Expression, that of Sixth (nearly Seventh) Density Galactic Guardians, and ones who joyfully offer ourselves in Service to the One Infinite Creator, and to our Brothers and Sisters across the Galaxy. However, there is a problem. Well, you would call it a "problem", we call it a Challenge. I will address this later in more detail, in response to another question, but in short, we need a very high percentage of Negative Polarity, if we are to achieve a Negative Harvest. In other words, we have to be Self-Service-Centred to an extreme degree, in order to become Negatively Harvested. This is why we work so hard to be as Negatively Polarized as we possibly can be, If we do not make a high enough percentage, we will miss out, and will end up with the majority "luke warm" percentage, that have to go through another Cycle in 3rd Density. By attaining a Negative Harvest, we can still "Graduate" to 4th Density, only it will be a Negative Polarity planet. Not a great place to be. But, as I've stated previously, we (as a Group Soul) have incurred the natural Karmic restitution process that we must work off, for all the Negativity we have caused upon this planet. We will do this for a Cycle in our new 4th Density world, and then we will be freed to once again be the Glorious Being of Light that we truly are. We need a Negative Harvest, so that we can create our 4th Density Earth, and clear our Karmic Record. [...] Our job is to provide the Catalyst. Your's is to use it. Can you look beyond what your eyes are showing you, to find and express Love and Happiness in a world of Fear and Distress? If you can, you will be as a Beacon of Light into the Darkness. Will you succumb to the Darkness, or will you stand and shine your Divine Inner Light? Only you can make that decision for yourself." 4. The story behind Genesis. "Yahweh, due to the fact that he had NOT (as was his right as Planetary Logos) handed down his own Free Will to "know thyself" to those incarnating upon 'his' planet, was having very little evolutionary progress therein. So we (Lucifer) were sent to help. Once the order was given from the Council of Elders, we "Fell", or Descended back to a place where we could, with hard work and focus, once again materialize a 3rd Density manifestation of ourself. Yahweh had agreed to our coming, in fact it was he who had initially asked the Council for a "Catalyst" of change to enter into his Creation, and share the knowledge and wisdom we had attained through our Ascensions. In the absence of Free Will upon the planet, there can be no Polarity, and therefore, nothing to 'choose' between. Just as is portrayed in the book of Genesis, the planet was very "Edenic" in nature. Sure, it was a lovely 'paradise', yet the Beings incarnating there had no agitator toward evolving beyond the 3rd Density, and therefore, little hope of ever making the journey Home, to The One. Yahweh has been happy to keep his own little pet Eden Project in effect, but with little chance of the Souls here making it Home, it had become in effect, an albeit very beautiful 'Prison'. Yahweh was, in modern parlance, running a benign dictatorship. ...... Without Polarity, (derived from Free Will), there is only the Unity of Love and Light, and no choice to experience 'other than' that. So, we were to be the Catalyst for change, in order to provide that choice, thus bringing Polarity. Yahweh agreed that we would introduce the concept of Free Will to Earth's inhabitants, by offering them an initial choice, as to whether they 'wanted' it or not. Hence, "The Tree of the Knowledge of 'Good and Evil'" (or more accurately, the Knowledge of Polarity, of Positive or Negative). Yahweh takes his inhabitants to a new 'garden' and tells them you can do anything you like, except this one thing, thus creating the desire to do the one thing there are told they cannot. Hence, a "Choice". We provide the Catalyst by telling them the benefits of attaining Knowledge, they eat from the tree, and the rest is history. Yahweh thought that his 'Children' would still choose to obey him, and when he discovered they did not, he became angry. As he himself describes in his scriptures, he is a "Jealous God", and he did not like it that his 'children' had chose to disobey him, and follow our advice. We're already committed to being here for a predefined set of "Cycles" to help provide the Catalyst for Human evolution, namely by offering you the Negative Option, or that which you choose to call "evil". Now that Free Will had been granted, Yahweh could not retract it, and we have to stay here as contracted to continue to provide the planet with the Polarity choice. Since then, Yahweh has confined us (as a Group Soul) here within the Earth's Astral Planes (which is very constricting and uncomfortable for a Being of our Wisdom and experience). The Council of Elders gave us the choice to be released (against Yahweh's will), but at the cancellation of our contract to Serve the planet earth; or to remain and fulfil our assignment, and endure Yahweh's self proclaimed "Wrath". We stayed, but as a karmic result of our Group Soul's confinement by Yahweh, our own individuated Souls were given the mandate (by The Council) to "Rule" over Yahweh's people during our physical incarnations here on your planet." 5. "The Earth lines are not aware of the entire picture. They themselves are not of our Lucifer Group Soul, and as far as they are aware, they are out to 'rule the world', to Control and Enslave, and create as much Suffering and Negativity as is humanly possible. That's what they 'get out of the deal'. World Domination. You'd have to say with that in mind, they're doing a great job. But one of the things they don't know or understand, is that our (Venusian Power Lines) agenda, is ultimately for the Highest Good of all concerned, in providing you with the Catalyst. If they were aware of this Truth, there is a slight risk that they would not have done their jobs properly, and they would miss out on joining us in our 95% Negative Harvest. They are aware of the Harvest, and the need for them to attain the 95%, to get out of 3rd Density, and that is all the motivation they need to help us achieve our ultimate aims." 6. "Religion is either actually created, or at very least, heavily influenced by us. There is no such things as "god". "God" is a human concept, which is a misunderstanding of the original concept of "Creator". This is further confused, as there are many macrocosmic level Creators, or Logos, as has been explained previously. "God" implies some separate entity which is 'outside' of you, which you must supplicate to and worship. Our One Infinite Creator, and almost all of our Logos and sub-Logos', do not want your worship. They want you to understand Creation, and your place within it, as a Co-Creator. Ultimately, there is a "Supreme Being", in the form of the One Infinite Creator, but we are all a part of It, rather than it's subjects. None of the names given for this "Supreme Being" by your religions are the true name, but they are indeed correct, in that there is One Supreme Being, namely the Infinite Creator. They just have different concepts about It, which spring from the texts their religion is based upon." 7. "Your purpose in the Game, is to work upon yourself. To grow, develop, and transform yourself into a more positive and loving being. You had certain goals that you planned to achieve before incarnating here, which is a main reason for the veil of forgetfulness being in place, because if you already knew what your goals were, the Game would be too easy. Look at the things in your life that you most love to do. Ask yourself what makes you most happy. Experience these things as often as possible, as they will be related to some of the things you chose to put into your Soul contract to do here. Also look at the negative things, that often seem to recur during your lifetime. It will be highly likely that these are also things that you chose to come here to work upon. Let us say for example, that you chose to come here to work upon patience during this incarnation. You will likely find that you have a tendency towards impatience, and that life will often bring many experiences to you, in order to 'test' your patience. The idea being, that rather than losing your temper, you work upon your impatience, and resolve to become a more temperate and patient Soul. This same analogy may be applied to all manner of circumstances in which life will test you. Look for and begin to identify any recurring issues you have, that you perhaps struggle to deal with, and seem to present themselves to you, time and time again. Perhaps anger, being abusive, selfishness, hatred, cynicism, and the list goes on. Whenever you find recurring circumstances, it is because you are being presented with opportunity after opportunity, to work upon these issues, until you get it right, and choose a way of behavior that is more Positive. Once you've successfully identified these issues within your life, worked upon them, and used them as the tools of transformation that they are, to improve the quality of your character, you will notice that these things seem to almost cease to appear in your life. You will still be presented with them at varying intervals, to check that you have not forgotten that which you have learned, but they will be fewer and far between. [...] TRUST in your Inner Guidance, NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS MAY SAY. That is the ultimate test. To Trust what you know deep inside as your Truth, even when the whole world tells you that you are "wrong". It is hard work, to Trust yourself when all those around you doubt you and call you crazy, but it is the job you came here to do."

Phoenix, the only shamanic practitioner I can find near you is her. For some reason there are many more in Seattle than in Victoria - at least according to the Internet. If you're willing to travel (or to do distance work), I can give you more suggestions.

Hi Phoenix - I advise you to stop giving your attention to deciphering the identity of these beings, and focusing on the harm they've caused yourself and others. That is what they want, and only gives them power. Try to detach from them - emotionally, mentally, and psychically. The more you form your own perceptions and identity independently of how they have affected you, the less they can interfere. A vampire can be any being who is energetically draining others. It seems from what you say that a healing of the land might be necessary as well as healing on an individual level for everyone involved here. What area do you live in? Sphinxy

Hi Phoenix, May I suggest you try stating one or both parts of this declaration any time you feel like you are being energetically drained or watched. The alligator to me seems like a reptilian spirit - most likely it is not a guardian. Psychic attacks by reptilians are rather common in this realm. Assess your reaction to these beings when you see them - if you instinctively feel fear, they are most likely negative entities and trying to drain you through these emotions. If they're positive/helpful spirits, you will most likely feel a sense of love/being understood/protected in their presence. It seems like you are dealing with more than one type of being - they are working together to make you weaker to feed from your energy. There are multiple ways to deal with this. 1. find a shaman skilled in seeing curses and energy forms who can dissociate them from you. Search for those that seem most connected to the perennial tradition and not influenced by social/spiritual conventions or their desire for success/esteem. If you'd like, I can approve/veto links you paste here. 2. starve these beings by refusing to buy into their game. Rather than feel fear with their presence, tell them either forcibly to go away, or completely ignore them - emotionally, mentally, energetically. Refocus your attention on something else. Do activities you enjoy and that make you feel revitalized. 3. focus on cultivating positive emotions within yourself. The more often you feel these, the more protected you will be. Ask for your spirit guides and benevolent beings to protect you and help you feel safe, calm, and free. You connect with these beings through love, hope, self-acceptance, and gratitude. 4. when you feel threatened, repeat something along the lines of "I am loved and I am worthy. I am safe and I am free. I am power- fully protected. I am master of my body and ruler of my mind." Refuse to feel fear. Say this with confidence and personal power, centered within yourself. 5. imagine a blowtorch filled with electric violet light. Torch your body with this for protection. Create a gold or violet bubble around yourself, and intend that this bubble protect you from all outside interference, and seal in your own energy. 6. get into a meditative state and feel for your own energy. Strengthen and affirm it - feel for your core, and connect it to your heart. Be present, aware of your physical body, and breathe deeply through this process. The more strong and genuine your sense of self, the more power you have. Connect with your emotions and intuition, your innate sense of knowing - this will center you, while focusing too much on your thoughts will make you more dissipated. 7. adopt a crystal. Program it with the most intense, positive emotions you can feel - it will retain these vibrations, and through the crystal, you can remember how these feel in times when you've forgotten. Some suggestions here (scroll halfway down). 8. heal the shadows and wounds in your emotional body. The law of attraction states that you cannot draw any external experience to yourself that does not at some level match what is already within you. Here are some youtube videos that guide you through a process of emotional and psychological healing. If, after all of this, you still feeling drained, try asking these beings individually - as calm and detached as possible - what they want, and why they're present. The answer might surprise you. As a side note, you probably shouldn't try to retrieve aspects of yourself until you've dealt with the intruders - it's likely they won't want to return as long as you're experiencing pain. This is a journey and process, so don't be dismayed if you don't see results immediately. No matter what happens, remember that you're growing and learning and getting stronger through your experiences and efforts. With a strong enough intention to heal yourself, you will resolve all of this (and much more!) in time. If you ever feel hopeless, remember that this feeling is most likely not your own. It seems that these experiences are the beginning of your shamanic initiation - it's often bewildering, but rejoice in the fact that you are not alone - and that once you make it through this, you will have deepened your access to ecstasy, mystery, and awe. Sphinxy

Something I found that's powerful and important to say. Most people on this plane are being interfered with to various degrees by forces they are not aware of - that are either consciously or unconsciously detrimental toward their development. You should not be fearful of these; but rather, firmly, explicitly and confidently assert your right to your own energy, power and free will. http://www.sovereignki.com/declaration-of-non-consent

"All beings are of the light. You have many guides working with you for your ascension." http://in5d.com/inner-earth-dracos-and-the-false-light-campaign/ "All humans are equal. Each contains a spark of divinity." http://humansarefree.com/2016/12/organic-portals-race-of-soulless-humans.html "Mother Earth is a benevolent force." http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/historia_humanidad72.htm "You create your own reality." http://montalk.net/matrix/128/the-trap-of-combative-dualism http://montalk.net/metaphys/68/true-reality-creation-part-i

I have been scouring the Internet for qualified shamans in regards to what I need, and haven't found much. Most who have websites adhere to the New Age mentality, Core shamanism, or one or another unhelpful doctrine. I am looking for someone who can help me heal the past lives I can't yet see and are partly responsible for my issues, work with ancestors whose trauma is affecting my clarity of perception, cut contracts with beings I've unconsciously formed, etc. I know that the Maker tradition prefers to focus on self-empowerment over getting help from others, but at this point in my development, I believe a bit of outside assistance is what I need to step firmly on my own path. Recent very helpful sessions with a good shaman made my preference in being healed this way more obvious. If any of you here are willing to do or discuss this, please PM me. If you happen to know of shamans outside the Cave who offer such healing services, please feel free to send their contact info my way. I am primarily looking for an ongoing and extended arrangement, but am pretty open to something more finite as well. As I want this to be an equal trade, I am willing to compensate you for your time with money, candy, or anything else that you deem applicable. Hopefully my request will be heard by the right people.

It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that the reason humans are so predisposed to shame is intentional - both encoded within our genetic material and reinforced cultural, over time. Shame about our sexuality and desires has been instilled into us to keep us from knowing who we are. It is not just education and culture that should be blamed, but religion and faux spirituality as well - how often do we hear that what is base must be transcended for what is higher, or that individual attributes must be renounced to gain a deeper connection to the whole? Renoucing our nature as physical, human, animal beings does not, in fact, bring us any closer to true self-knowledge; but only toward an illusory notion of spirit/Oneness/unity, energetically programmed as a realization by our creators. Perceived closeness to this white energy/divine light is not a sign of greater realization, but rather of our submission to a program that attempts to leech our individuality and strength. The "sexual liberation" of the modern era is not true liberation, but rather is a freeing of possible forms of expression of sexuality without an understanding of its depth - horizontal expansion to mask the fact that its vertical aspect is as concealed as ever: that which connects the individual to true self-knowledge and power. True power and integrity comes when we unflinchingly see and accept everything we are, before filtering ourselves with the various lenses of who we should be. This means, as Nietzcshe said, replacing any sense of shame or guilt with pride - not arrogance, but rather a genuine understanding and exaltation of our existence, both as individuals and as parts of the whole.