Addiction, trauma, allies

[UnknownPatterns]

Not sure how much I believe in the energetics of shamanism yet, however I know it works for people with these issues if done correctly. I have trauma, illness, and addiction. My addiction is to an herb which treats my illness. I have digestive issues that go away when I take cbd, which I can't help myself with. I've also seen the world interact with me in very strange ways to say the least. I have what gets called "mental illness", a primary one of which right now is "religious or spiritual problem". I've gone totally mad 3 times in my life, each with different reasons, my memories are only starting to come back after some very incorrectly done efforts. I'm very awake and clear compared to where I was a few months ago, but there were some rather dark times. The cbd, caffeine and sometimes nicotine or alcohol allies I'm addicted to along with the pharmaceutical meds for my illness had mixed effects on my process. It's become clear that I'm healthy enough now to return to work, slowly, but I feel I need the substance (except alcohol) to stay motivated and keep my feelings in check during daily life. My long term goal is getting rid of them completely. I'm somewhat christian, but embrace shamanistic and Buddhist spirituality. I know how to function with the drugs in my life, and if I can keep it up for just 1-3 years I'll likely be in a place where it's way easier to cut back. What's a shamanistic perspective on this? Can substances and their allies be of some use to me in my situation. I don't think I can go more than 2 or 3 days without cbd without gut pain at this time, not until I have a different diet, which I can't do right now. I've used them differently recently than I used to, I only drink as a reward for good behavior, only use nicotine when I can't power through on my own, and have had intermittent success cutting back on cbd and caffeine. I also recently stopped with a prescription stimulant due to a potential bad effect. I would say more,  but a surprising number of people spy on me online and I'm not sure yet what to do about it, until I have money that is.

Edited December 13, 2021 by UnknownPatterns

[silenceseeker]

Hi UnknownPatterns,

First of all, welcome! You've asked a number of questions, I'm going to try an answer two of them:

1) My long term goal is getting rid of them completely. ("them"=allies/various substances)

 2) I know how to function with the drugs in my life, and if I can keep it up for just 1-3 years I'll likely be in a place where it's way easier to cut back. What's a shamanistic perspective on this? Can substances and their allies be of some use to me in my situation.?

The short answer to 1) is, "probably not completely." Generally, for most allies, once you've hooked up with them, it's a permanent connection. However, you can control that connection/relationship to the degree that it is essentially not an issue and you are basically rid of it, in the sense of it being a strong influence on your life. The best way to gain that level of control over your allies is to "simply" heal yourself - the ally is in your life because there was something in need of healing in your energy that caused you to reach out for help. So, it's simple but not necessarily easy. It will require doing a lot of self-healing work where you recover energy that you've got tied up in connections to possibly the past trauma and illness  you mentioned.  It can take some time to work through all that but it is definitely worth the effort as you will recover your energy and it is a permanent healing, not just a patch.

The short answer to 2) is, "maybe". Shamans do use allies and work with them for various purposes. The key is that there is an 'agreement' with the allies and it needs to be done consciously in a way that you know what you will be giving in this arrangement and you know what you will be receiving for giving up part of your energy. There is a cost to your energy when working with allies. So, if you entered an agreement with an ally when you were in a state of despair or in a moment of weakness, it's not ideal. Another thing to consider is that allies don't want to give up the hold they have on your energy. So do you think in 1-3 years when you're ready, that the ally isn't going to try and convince you to continue? So from a shamanic perspective, allies can and are used to get to certain desired ends. But they are not for everyone and one needs to carefully consider the cost before one enters an agreement with an ally. Since you are already in agreement with certain substance allies, your best course of action is to reduce your dependence or sense of need on them to a level that is something you can live with. And again, to do this will require self-healing, for makers, that is the recapitulation process- recovering energy tied up in memory, recovering past intents, stalking the self - understanding who you are and what makes you the way you are. 

 

 

 

 

[UnknownPatterns]

Right, I do need to start doing the recapitulation process. It seems in many ways very similar to various Buddhist healing practices I've been using, but with it's own unique benefits. I think, with the Buddhist path, I could potentially eliminate any frequent use, but, at least with what I use cbd for, I'll always desire some ally or the other for the affect on the gut. But there are traditional ayurvedic formulas I can use to drastically reduce or eliminate the use of cannabis. Although some do contain a trace of it, in order to guide the rest to where they need to go. I have no Idea what I've agreed to give the allies, but Buddhism seems to threaten them somewhat. I've agreed not to stop them altogether for life, and then things seemed to calm down. The difficulty for me is to not have anything in my system for the recap, as I can only go a few hours in the morning without at least coffee to prevent caffeine withdrawal headaches. That said, I have time and available energy that continues to grow.

How can I find out what I've agreed to give, and can I renegotiate? There are allies, which I have no access to at this time, that claim to have the power to end addiction, i.e iboga. I have received tremendous aid from them, but marijuana came at a great cost, but didn't seem to mind being replaced with cbd, they are the same plant after all. The allies can convince me occasionally when I'm off of them, but only cbd and caffeine have a consistent hold. It was my hope that if I complete my healing, they may become irrelevant to my continued health, though they'll remain in my energy/karma I guess. So far, I have mainly been working on recovering memory, and healing injured emotions in a very Buddhist way, I think after some continuation, I may be ready for recapitulation, intent recovery, and stalking the self. I have also used psychedelics just a few times, and see they have both great potential, and great danger. Their only use is to accelerate my growth if used correctly, but how can I tell what I'm giving them in return? I am at a point where I can live with, and even enjoy their presence in my life, but others look down on me for using them. Is that perhaps the price I pay? Do shamans have a problem with unnecessary drug use? I'm sorry for all the questions, the spiritual world continues to fascinate me.

[silenceseeker]

On 12/22/2021 at 12:00 PM, UnknownPatterns said:

I've agreed not to stop them altogether for life, and then things seemed to calm down. The difficulty for me is to not have anything in my system for the recap, as I can only go a few hours in the morning without at least coffee to prevent caffeine withdrawal headaches. That said, I have time and available energy that continues to grow.

I don't think you have to be completely substance or ally free of any sort when you recap. I never worried about having coffee while recapping. In fact, since it was a regular habit, to not have it would make me feel off and distracted. Coffee/tea/cigarettes/cbd, I think they would all be fine to have in your system while you recap. but I would draw the line at stronger substances like alcohol, marijuana etc. 

On 12/22/2021 at 12:00 PM, UnknownPatterns said:

How can I find out what I've agreed to give, and can I renegotiate? There are allies, which I have no access to at this time, that claim to have the power to end addiction, i.e iboga. 

I would be careful using allies that claim to have the power to end addiction. I don't know much about Iboga but it seems to have a lot of risks associated with its use. My feeling on Iboga or other substances promising healing from addiction, is that a) you can do it without them and b) they probably can help but I think once you aren't using them, it would be harder not to slip back into your old ways than if you did it without them.

You can find out what you've agreed to by using the recap. exercise. Find when you first used the substance, if that is fuzzy or it was just on a whim then find when you first felt like you were 'hooked' on it. Recap your life at that time, why did you choose to try the drug? What did it do for you that helped you? That is where the agreement was made, it did something - took away pain - gave you something - energy  - a sense of well being - and you agreed to take it so it would keep doing that for you. And yes, you can renegotiate. It is an agreement, it is doing something for you and you are keeping it alive by using it. Think of how much more marijuana  is in the world today than 50 years ago, it has done well. 

Even though both parties are involved in the agreement, you really have the upper hand because you are the one that controls when and how much you use it. So you can renegotiate by threatening to stop or you can set a specific use/intent for use that is less than you are using now if you want to ease back or you can set a baseline that you would be happy with. So you will have to be able to resist the temptation to use it outside your new plan. So, if you say, I will use "x' once a week on Saturdays for relaxation, then you will have to forgo using it to relax the other days or whatever schedule you come up with but then on Saturday, you should allow yourself to use 'x' and keep your word/agreement - don't renege because you feel like you could skip it, it's about keeping the new agreement . Just like you said, the allies backed off when you told them you would use them for life, they usually will back off when you set a time and place and keep your word, they will back off on the in between times. A key thing to note here is that you are  switching back from 'needing' to use them to 'wanting' to use them.  I don't think this would work for all substances, especially the newer ones that seem to be very insidious.

On 12/22/2021 at 12:00 PM, UnknownPatterns said:

 I have also used psychedelics just a few times, and see they have both great potential, and great danger. Their only use is to accelerate my growth if used correctly, but how can I tell what I'm giving them in return? I am at a point where I can live with, and even enjoy their presence in my life, but others look down on me for using them. Is that perhaps the price I pay? Do shamans have a problem with unnecessary drug use? 

If you think of allies as any other living thing, they want to live and procreate. They give you some insight into the universe that is harder to do without them and you help them procreate. Ayahuasca used to be a very obscure plant ally. Now there are whole tourist industries built around giving people an experience with it, it also has procreated well. Besides the agreement aspect of working with an ally, makers don't use psychedelics for growth and insight into life and energetic realms. When you take a substance like Ayahuasca, it does deliver you a vision, but you are essentially looking at life through its eyes and not purely your own. Makers prefer to see clearly without the looking through the shades of others' visions. It's not because we don't trust them, there are many beneficial allies out there, it's just that we want to stand on our own 'two square feet of space' and engage with the world from our space and not from someone or something else's. So the problem makers have with unnecessary drug use is not about getting looked down on, we are already looked down on for being different . It's simply that we want all our energy at our disposal and engaging with unnecessary drugs takes energy to maintain and we work so hard to regain the energy that we do have.