Hello all, I am Varg :)

[Vargtid]

I am Asatru, and a practicing Shaman for over 20 years.  That does entail several NDE's, experiences which should send me to the hospital (and have) if I tell the wrong people certain things.  That is because they haven't spent the time I have on the bleeding edge between this world and the Umbra (my name for it), and they don't understand.  Hello all, I'm Varg, and I came here hoping find community with people who do understand what I'm talking about.

I've had a particularly odd past week.  And that's saying a lot for a Shaman of as long as I've practiced.  I would love to talk with someone who is real, and that's why I cam here, and can understand what I'm saying.  I would love a reply from someone, even someone new to the practice, from whatever faith - we're all in the same business - who won't commit me to the hospital.  I say that because I once mentioned a dream I had to my sister and she dragged me there.  Any Shaman would know what I mean.  I need a place where I can speak with like-minded folk.

So again, hello, I am Varg.  This is the first time I'm reaching out to others who live as I do, and I have had a very crazy last week which I'm still trying to make sense of.  We can discuss that later.  Yes, I am fine.  you can even see my YouTube channel and hear and see that I'm a normal functioning part of society here;

https://www.youtube.com/darkdally

I live and work from home.  What the public doesn't know is my lifelong practice which has almost killed me multiple times, but here I am and I know very well how to reach the other side.  I hope this is a place for people like myself and not ... idk.

Thank you

-Varg

Edited January 8, 2022 by Vargtid

[Vargtid]

,,,as a postscript there is a spirit in my house with me, but at towards me she is entirely benevolent.  She is my "guard dog" if you will.  She will injure those, and I've seen it, who aim to bring harm into my household.  I find it very comforting to be honest.  Things like this are things that I cannot tell to anyone, and so I hope it's safe, understood, and able to speak about here.  

-Varg

Edited January 8, 2022 by Vargtid

[Moonshadow]

Hello, Vargtid. Nice to meet you. 

Can I ask, what does being a practicing shaman mean to you? I find it to be such a broad, blanket term.  We here are Makers, from a tradition that originated in France about a century ago. I see you are reaching out, you can find out more about the tradition here by browsing the public articles available on this site. Please feel free to ask any questions, a number of us often check the site and are happy to answer any questions, about the tradition we practice and general shamanic topics.

Welcome to Shamanscave!

Eman  

[Vargtid]

Okay, what does it mean to me?

Every culture has Shamans - Africa, South America, Native America, Rasputin was a Shaman, Odin, even Jesus was a Shaman.  I honestly haven't read anything here and I'll tell you why.

We experience the edge of the door, or beyond the door to that other place.  I call it the Umbra.  I know the use of drugs is common,  but I've used them almost to the edge of psychosis.  I stopped some time ago with that.  Nowadays I just go days and nights with no food or sleep of my own cogniscience.  Trust me in that I don't want me to.  The spirits draw me there.  I haven't read anything here because this is who I am for over 20 years and I have hundreds of books on.  

I really appreciate your answer.  I posted here because I was hoping to find some people I could talk to, you know

I've been drowned, stabbed, and drugged multiple times, and then taken certain drugs myself as I said, to the edge of psychosis to reach this side of that door, as well as inducing lucid dreams and et cetera.  I have not read your forum, no.  I thought this was a place where I could post and not sound crazy.  It's just that I've spent half my life looking into the other side and was looking for .... I actually don't know..... something.

Thank you for your reply ma'am-

-Varg 

[Vargtid]

ᛁ ᚾᛟ ᚹᚨᛏ ᚨ ᛊᚺᚨᛗᚨᚾ ᛁᛉ

-ᚹᚨᚱᚷ

Edited January 9, 2022 by Vargtid

[Moonshadow]

Hi Vargtid, yes I agree every culture has their own shamans, I know what Asatru is, I have a great respect here for polytheism and your heritage, and yes, while drugs may sometimes be a shortcut for spontaneous experiences, they are just that- spontaneous, you are not in control, and here we are drug-free and learn to do all that we do with our own energy the experiences you can have by yourself alone, as you may have seen, are much more exciting.  I'm happy for you that you stopped the drugs, I know all about that too, as you experienced they are only a screen saver, the real ability comes from your own energy. Take your energy back from all the drugs now that you stopped them and see what happens to you *grin*.

You are right, this is a place where you don't sound crazy- crazy is normal here, weird is good. All of us here I think have been drawn to an energetic intent put out by the universal intent to bring more shamanism out into this world to help heal it and do all the fun crazy stuff we shamans like to do. We are dreamers, healers, energy movers, stalkers, time travelers, we move through worlds and explore them there are so many fascinating creatures out there.... yes NDE's, active dreaming, talking to the dead, yes all signs of someone who is bent, I've had my own share of that in fact I would say your NDE's probably brought out your shamanic side even more.... you have very interesting energy, and you are not wrong this is a place where you can talk to any of us, we all all with one foot in life and one foot in death, in this world and others.

Yes books don't teach you I agree, energy teaches you, everything I know and have learned has been taught to me energetically or I have learned it by myself, never from a book.

The spirit in your house, the one you call your guard dog, is pretty interesting, we call beings like her "Allies", they come in many shapes and forms and often there is an energetic exchange between the shaman and the ally.

We're all about personal power and energy here, about taking our energy back from this world, healing ourselves to the point of complete freedom and power that we can go anywhere and see anything in this world and out. You've come to a group of shamans where we think weird and crazy is good because it usually means it's outside of that narrow microscopic world view most humans experience life through.

Truly, welcome here, ᚹᚨᚱᚷ. The shamans here come from all over the world, I'm sure someone else will probably jump in and say hello at one point too.

 

e.

[holly]

Hail and Welcome, Varg! We are of different traditions, but I see you, welcome you, and am glad you've come by Shamanscave.

Holly 

[FinWanderer]

Hi,

Funny thing, i'm somewhat close to asatru, i have heard Thor speaking in sleep paralyzis. But i'm sure in many ways i'm very different than you, for example you seem very much identified with manliness, where as i'm biologically male but psychologically i'm of no specific gender, but that's how the seidrs are too -> sorcery was "forbidden" or at least shunned for male people, and they'd dress in female clothes to become of no gender. Maybe this is why when i was younger i flipped out at baba yaga when she came, told her i was a man - even if i had asked for her to teach me.

I also did not go to military training, even if its a standard in my country =), don't know if you despise that decision with your background. I do have a hunting license thought, but i have never actually hunted, and I would want to do it in fair and ethical way, like bow hunting. The prey would have a chance, and uhh, i would get boost from actually managing to hunt something with a bow. I do kind of collect weaponry with my spouse thought, CO2 guns, knives, swords, axes. I'd say regardless of our gender we both express both genders.

I always automatically always think of Varg Vikernes, when i see the name Varg :-D. Suppose in my weirdness i'm more like mr Espedal (Gaahl) than Varg, but not exactly. I'm not sure are these people even popular in USA, so you might be wondering what the hell.

But perhaps you listen to Wardruna? Gaahl was formerly associated with them, and their lead singer was associated with Gorgoroth. mentioning these people was somewhat trivial, but the meaning was to sort out the cultural context, of both art and shamanism in our living spheres.

More like a pagan in general myself, than a specific type of shaman, a lot of people of course have problem calling themselves/others shamans anyways if they are not tribally chosen, but i don't much care about that. I think saying that I was a shaman would make no difference for someone who is not into paganism and all that. I'd be a bad shaman anyways, i can sense a lot of things - but i also mess up a lot. 

If you have read Sapkowskis hussite trilogy, i'm like the Reinmar Bielau guy, always running in to troubles of some sort. (If you have read it, don't spoil it, i'm waiting for Lux Perpetua finnish translation this summer).

 

Edited May 13, 2022 by FinWanderer

[Vargtid]

Thank you for the reply, FinWanderer.

Varg of course refers to the wolf in Norwegian, and also serves as the prefix to the word in English, 'vagabond'.  We are wanderers and teachers.  The wolf is my spirit animal, hence my name.  Thank you.

I can speak much of Asatru.  Both from having been in prison, but mostly my studies and the books and such I've collected.  That said, I do find it so sad that in such mentioned places it's designated as like a racial thing and none of them know a single thing about it.  I was always regarded as upper class, because of that, but that's just stupid prison politics.  It really is a shame that what I've spent my life on becoming such a thing.

Moving on, it's good that you have a partner, and although I don't know you, I'm happy for you.  It never seems to work out for me.  Take joy in every productive day spent with such a person, I say.  Tonight the Moon is nearly full.  Live every day to its fullest.

-Varg

[Vargtid]

As a follow-up, and on a more personal note, amongst my tattoos is one on my left arm which reads "ᛈᚱᛟᛞᛁᚷᛇ ᛟᚠ ᚹᚨᚱᚠᚨᚱ".  "Prodigy of warfare".  It's a quote from a Dimmu Borgir song, but most importantly a reminder of where I came from and who I am now. Always be who you are, in that moment and eff the rest of the world, 

- Varg

[FinWanderer]

Yeah, I know very well it means wolf, that's probably why that famous Varg also changed his name to that, from "Kristian" which ... means Christian, heheh.

Hmm, yeah it's interesting that Asatru is so much in contact with jail in Americas, it's hard to comment anything on that. I don't think it's necessarily only bad that it's a racial thing there, the other ethnicities are sure to have their own things, so why not something for European originated people as well. Hmm, it's kind of awkward to comment more on that otherwise. 

What I'm basically saying, is that I'm glad if it helps, but I'm also unsure if its anywhere near the same as what they practice as Asatru or Forn Sidr in scandinavian countries. Here in Finland may be only solitary asatrus or private groups, old finnish religion is basically more diverse set of beliefs, part shamanism, part polytheism, part animism, part black magic.

"Karhun kansa" is finnish folk religion organization, although they have only 65 members. You'd be surprised what kind of folk magic we had, it's quite vulgar, and less known these days even among finns. Being a "man-witch" was more common unlike in Scandinavia, even though many magical customs had to do with showing female genitalia. Very diverse set on beliefs really, perhaps influence from both west and east. I know nobody asked but I was narcistic enough to represent my country anyways, hahah.

I'm not sure about my spirit animal, how did you find yours? I was told what mine was by a shaman, but I just find her whole story about "my curse" difficult to believe.

Edited June 14, 2022 by FinWanderer
Trying to speak better english.

[FinWanderer]

 

That tattoo idea is quite cool actually, you must know your runes well, for now I couldn't make such phrases without using online translator.

Dimmu has come less interesting after they kicked out Vortex and Mustis, 1998 and 1999 cd's are pretty good example of their better work, although I did like in sorte diaboli, which was not always common among the fans.

Even though I seem chatty, every reply I post here kind of hurts me. with frustration, despair, and shame. Isn't that weird? not saying that I was twisting in agony, but still.

Edited June 14, 2022 by FinWanderer

[Vargtid]

On 6/14/2022 at 6:44 AM, FinWanderer said:

 

That tattoo idea is quite cool actually, you must know your runes well, for now I couldn't make such phrases without using online translator.

Dimmu has come less interesting after they kicked out Vortex and Mustis, 1998 and 1999 cd's are pretty good example of their better work, although I did like in sorte diaboli, which was not always common among the fans.

Even though I seem chatty, every reply I post here kind of hurts me. with frustration, despair, and shame. Isn't that weird? not saying that I was twisting in agony, but still.

The first thing I thought was yeah - I lost interest after Vortex and Mustis Were gone.  I last saw Dimmu live back in 2003, and that was about it.  I did enjoy their remake of Stormblast in like '05, but yeah.   And as far as your comment on Kristian becoming Varg - yes - I know the whole story.  Overall, I couldn't agree more.  Haha.  You  made me actually laugh out loud.  Good on that, Fin lol.

Moving on, you raised a great question in that what was it that had me realize the wolf as my sprit animal?  I will have to think on this.  First off, I was using the name Varg long before I'd ever heard of the events of Mayhem back in the early '90's.  If that was a thought, then nah, because that's just coincidence.  It was something else, back in ... let me think....

Fin, I first got introduced to Northern Paganism, (which I later came to find were my ancestral roots), back in '99.  I feel I've told this story before, or at least that bit.  Before I knew my true calling as a Shaman, I was a 19 year-old Wiccan with eclectic beliefs just basically going off books I had read.  I first found much of what I had in the early 2000's, like '01 and '02 through, oddly enough, an RPG, like D&D, that I was playing with friends.  I played my character as part of the 'Get of Fenris'.  I barely knew who he was at the time, or not to  mention other wolves such as Freki and Geri, but I guess .... it was... not like yours.  I have spoken with a Shaman more advanced than I, back in I believe '09, and that was far more ... whatever than I care to recall here.  She knew more about me than I care to admit.  You know how it is.

It just came into me.  In every circle I've been the oldest, the most experienced, the wisest, and the most clever.  That along with my associations to Odin... just led that way.  I knew names of Odin before I even really went down that route, and used them, without knowing.  I was born on a Wednesday.  I, as Odin, have sacrificed myself many times, and my life here, to gain other knowledge.  It was some twenty years ago when I realized my kinship to his wolves, and not decided, but knew that that's where I belonged.  You understand?  

The sprit animal of oneself can't be a concious choice, but rather a realization, or revelation of how you lived.  That's how it was for me.

Thank you,

~Varg

[FinWanderer]

I thought we would get along to some extent, even though there must be many differences in our lifestyles. Then there are similarities too, and somehow we were drawn here, this must be a mental ward. the maker people are the staff, but we the fugitives have our own theories, staff goes shaking their head.

Perhaps I must mention that I'm probably more harsh to any shaman, than a normal person would be, because I know about the cold reading technique some people use. So they really had to tell me something that I haven't given them already. And that shaman who I spoke of kind of missed it because we had 1 hour video call + 4 hours of IRL conversation before her session. So, vague representations of what might have been going on explained in symbolism didn't quite convince me. And I sensed the oppressive being/energy being just annoyed for that shaman claiming to have gotten rid of it. Not only that she claimed that she restored parts of mine and my spouses soul, and she did this remotely - it's a lot of claims at once.

I have been told things online earlier, by a witch not shaman, but she too used shamanic type of travelling to check things for me- Some of those things may have been right, but I can't say yes or no because we also talked a lot, and I haven't been able to fact check everything. Also I did not pay her like I paid the IRL shaman so it's irrelevant in that way to compare. And I never precisely asked her about spirit animal.

Even though the tattoo is cool idea, don't you feel that you have further condemned yourself to be that prodigy? it's your personal business, your tattoos ofc.

 I know it’s a two way street, not because I knew of your experiences, but because it often is, and that’s why there is both, a bullet in your flesh, yet strength found in that fact. You have made it so.

 

I could think of few animals that could be my spirit animal, but I would like to be sure, like actually meeting it in some fantastical way, yes I expect them to talk to me :-D. What kind of benefit does knowing your spirit animal give you? does it help you get around in life and beyond ?

 

[Vargtid]

Fin,

Wow, so many questions to respond to...  I follow my own path, and let that be known.  Although I have the utmost respect for the Makers here and have read their writings, I maintain my own beliefs - and they know this.  It's no sign of disrespect - no - I'm a Shaman in what I see as a great Shaman community on the Internet.  We are who we are and define convention.  It's okay that I'm not perfectly aligned with everyone here.  I'm here, as is everyone else, because I'm different.  Are not we all?

The Shaman irl with which I spoke of earlier who I met with was... a harrowing experience, and was not paid for btw, but just an encounter.  

As far as tattoos go- they're not for everyone.  There is Alchemy in ink.  I have two or three other girls' names inked in me to remember, but my current partner is not among them.  It's because she is important.  When I know the way to put her name on me and where and how, I will.  Everyone expresses themselves in different ways.  That said, funnily enough mine are not 'expression', as I cover them... but rather expression for myself.  For only here, in my home do I see them.  Idk if that makes any sense.

As far as a sprit animal goes - and again, as I have said I am not like those here, but it is something that you will know.  Perhaps some life experience will show you.  I have learned much through patience.

All that said, Fin, please email me at my personal email ryanpinkston8@gmail.com and perhaps we can speak or video chat or w/e you want - we can arrange it there, off-forum.  That's my email, and that bit is up to you.  This is the best place to meet people like myself and I want not to draw anyone away from here, but if someone is closer to my beliefs than others, then I would obviously love to speak with them personally.  I give my email because that's personal and business and I check it all the time and will respond, and I realize that even here I'm a bit of an outcast because I'm not a Maker - but are we not all here because we are outcasts?

Also, you clearly share a love of Black Metal, lol, so there is that.

-Varg

[Vargtid]

You never know who you're going to meet on the internet, and that in itself is always an adventure.

[Vargtid]

Fin,

Allow me to give you an example of patience, if you could be so humble;  my favorite band is Cradle of Filth:  I listen to them every day - all but songs from their original album, 'Total Fucking Darkness'.  This because I own it, on vinyl, original, unopened, in mint condition.  This record sits on my shelf and although this is my favorite band and I could at any moment listen to any song from there on YouTube, I choose not to.  I still have a perfect copy of their first album on vinyl in the original cellophane, frozen in time.

Once time speaks to me, I'll know it's time - it'll likely be years more; perhaps there's something within that album I'm not yet meant to know to better myself.  I will learn it then.  Until that moment, the original LP still factory and unlistened of my favorite band sits on a shelf.  When the day is right I will hear it.  Though I have heard and seen them live - them and every other band like them - this one record remains sealed.  I know enough not to ask questions.

Answers are revealed in time.

I know how that sounds, but from my experience anyway 90% of my other-world experiences were things I didn't expect at times when I wasn't prepared.  That said, I don't just 'wait', now, prepared with wisdom, I collect things which someday may spark intuition.  Again, I don't follow the tradition of those here.  I forge my own path, but they know that.  That's why I posted my personal email above.  I would never try to derail what these cool people are doing here.

-Varg

[FinWanderer]

 

Hmm, yeah I think I do sometimes have these encounters, which I could further interpret. Sometimes I just get lost in the stampede of interpretations after interpretations. But I think know that feel when you discover flashes of some hidden truth.

I will think about emailing, somehow I'm feeling uneasy about sharing too much about my persona via internet nowadays. I'm not even active on typical social medias. Well I do have a pinterest and steam account, but no facebook for  example. 

I read your story about your encounters with the spirits btw, it was a lot to go through, sounds like very personal experience ,- difficult to translate that kind of experiences to other people.  And perhaps there comes the issue with myself too, I'm not sure what should I tell about myself so it's not irrelevant or too much.

My favorite band, if i had to pick one is Nokturnal Mortum, but i don't even listen to black metal everyday, i'm quite flexible with my music taste, Nokturnal's music is kind of mixture between shamanic and black metal, well, I suppose its "Folkish black metal". Drudkh, is also good, and also Ukranian.

Edited June 27, 2022 by FinWanderer

[Vargtid]

Fin,

I apologize for it taking so long for me to get back to you.  I am very busy with work.  I got an email from here saying that you messaged me, but I'm so fail with the internet that I can't figure it out.  (And yet my business is my YouTube channel - lol - sad but true).

I fucking love "folkish" as you said, music.  For instance Einherjer, or Old Man's Child.  Both are Norwegian artists from the early 2000's.  Einherjer was more 'Norwegian Folk Metal', and Old Man's Child was more like 'Norwegian Black Folk Metal', if such a thing exists.. but yeah.

I received an email notifying me that I had a message from you, but I'll be honest and even after reading it I couldn't make sense of it.  I have many friends in Northern Europe, where, as far as I can gather you're from, and we have amongst us an inside joke we call 'English fail'.  It's cool.  

Just email me directly at ryanpinkston8@gmail.com

I couldn't make sense of the message you sent me here, nor can I figure out how to pull it up... yeah, and I'm the guy who makes my living from YouTube; pure dumb luck.

Just toss me a proper email.  Thanks,

-Varg

[FinWanderer]

7 hours ago, Vargtid said:

Fin,

I apologize for it taking so long for me to get back to you.  I am very busy with work.  I got an email from here saying that you messaged me, but I'm so fail with the internet that I can't figure it out.  (And yet my business is my YouTube channel - lol - sad but true).

I fucking love "folkish" as you said, music.  For instance Einherjer, or Old Man's Child.  Both are Norwegian artists from the early 2000's.  Einherjer was more 'Norwegian Folk Metal', and Old Man's Child was more like 'Norwegian Black Folk Metal', if such a thing exists.. but yeah.

I received an email notifying me that I had a message from you, but I'll be honest and even after reading it I couldn't make sense of it.  I have many friends in Northern Europe, where, as far as I can gather you're from, and we have amongst us an inside joke we call 'English fail'.  It's cool.  

Just email me directly at ryanpinkston8@gmail.com

I couldn't make sense of the message you sent me here, nor can I figure out how to pull it up... yeah, and I'm the guy who makes my living from YouTube; pure dumb luck.

Just toss me a proper email.  Thanks,

-Varg

 

 

Ahh okay, Are you sure it did not go into spam folder, I can see if I could re-send it without the password. But it should show up just normally, in your email... And then it will ask for that password I messaged in your inbox. I just thought it was kind of "weird", especially taken out of context,  so I figured that, hmm, it's better if there's a password so less chance that someone else reads it.

Don't worry about being busy, it's fine.

But I think because my email address is uncommon, and you have Gmail, it could easily go to "spam".