Recapping Very Difficult Experiences of Psychosis

[ArcaneHuman]

HI. One of the main things i've been seeking to heal in myself is recurring bouts of psychosis/ delusion/ feeling like i'm being condemned. These episodes recur approximately once every week or week and a half. It's a very disturbing and heavy experience. My friend told me that i should avoid recapitulating trauma until i'm really ready for it. I'm wondering though... if i avoid recapitulating the psychosis am I missing out on a return of energy that is essential to my being able to heal the psychosis? I know it's a really heavy and complicated energy to work with but i seem to have to endure it somewhat frequently anyway.

[silenceseeker]

I think you can try working on it in a limited way u til you feel you are okay with delving into it. We call it 'working the edges' of traumatic events. I'm not sure where it's a bout of psychosis rather than an actual event in the past (although there may be a past connected event), where exactly to start. You could try recapping the days and hours leading up to it but stop short of recapping the actual psychosis. You could recap your life prior to the onset of this psychosis and stop just before. If this is not something you've had your entire life. The idea is to work on the peripherals and not dive full on into the worst of it emotionally. 

You could also work on recapping any other events in your life when you felt condemned but it wasn't part of a psychosis. Do you get where I am going with this? Don't re traumatize yourself through the recapitulate, take it in manageable pieces and as you work through them, you can gradually work your way in to the deeper stuff.

 

[ArcaneHuman]

On 11/13/2022 at 6:02 PM, silenceseeker said:

You could try recapping the days and hours leading up to it but stop short of recapping the actual psychosis

I took your advice. This may have actually shifted things more quickly than i could have hoped for. The usual modus operandi of what i have come to call "the condemnation narrative" is that before it really escalates my thoughts start gradually shifting into a very particular mode of thinking, that isn't even particularly malevolent. When this mode kicks in I know the narrative is trying to clamp down. In this preemptive phase i usually feel optimistic, like i've got it beat this time! but then it just gradually wears me down to a completely vulnerable state. Then I start going on the defensive. So i recapped those moments today. Just before the psychosis

Oddly enough the same night i did the recap of the edges i started shifting into that head space later in real life. And I did something that had never really occurred to me before. I started doing white magick and using my energy to actively make the world a better place. Instead of like... going on the defensive and using mantras or affirmations or whatever other strategies I usually implement. So hopefully this marks the beginning of an acceleration in my healing. I think this is important because the narrative proclaims that i am subconsciously a black magician so i started doing the white magick and i think it counters that.

Then the following night (last night) the narrative started shifting me into that preemptive mode again. To wear me down and make me vulnerable. I tried to do white magick (like making my hands emanate white light, and picturing rainbow colored energy but i couldn't do it in that head space. so what i did was simply to pray for other people. May God bless such and such. May God bless whomever, may God bless her, him, the trees the rivers. Hopefully this strategy will continue to work because honestly i'm tired of being mentally crippled by fear.

If anyone has additional advice i am all ears. thanks!

 

[silenceseeker]

Excellent work, I think you are gaining traction and you are also recovering energy, if you are intending to release what is not yours and return to you what is yours, then you will get stronger and stronger - recover more and more energy over time and this will help as well. One other thing you can try when fear hits if you find white magick is not working so much is to try and flip your emotion to anger. Emotions are different poles in our energy and anger is the opposite pole of fear and you can cancel out your fear by switching to feeling angry (just imagine something that always makes you really angry) and that action will neutralize the fear because it's pulling it back from the fear pole to a more centered location in your energy. This will never wear off too, this will always work because emotions are part of our makeup.

Nice work though, Im glad it's brought you some relief.

 

[Toom1994]

Psychosis is characterized as a separation from reality. It may be accompanied by delusions, hallucinations, and erratic speech and thinking.
 

[Belle]

On 11/16/2022 at 11:17 PM, ArcaneHuman said:

Then the following night (last night) the narrative started shifting me into that preemptive mode again. To wear me down and make me vulnerable. I tried to do white magick (like making my hands emanate white light, and picturing rainbow colored energy but i couldn't do it in that head space. so what i did was simply to pray for other people. May God bless such and such. May God bless whomever, may God bless her, him, the trees the rivers. Hopefully this strategy will continue to work because honestly i'm tired of being mentally crippled by fear.

We do really feel helpless if our minds attack us. Can you see that there appears to be many of you, there is your mind that seems to have its mind of its own, then there is part of you that is feeling vulnerable and crippling with fear, then there is part of you trying to do the white magic to counter punch with you feeling the black magic. But who are you?

We can't really solve the problem using our mind the same mind that used to create the problem in the first place. Your experiences are all seems to be in your mind, our mind is powerful don't underestimate it.. it creates the problem and same time it creates a seeming solution and then 'you' are just being tossed from one end to the next but still within the same spectrum, so it just like a roller coaster, it goes up and down but its only in a cycle. 

So how can we get out from the cycle? I don't think it has a quick fix knowing that there are so many aspects in our energy involve. But having started with recap is great way, you are doing spiral too which gives you would gain clarity, you are taking quicksilver which would help you deal with stuckness in your emotional response, so these would definitely keep you moving out from that cycle.

Also try to ground yourself, I mean do some physical activities..it helps clear the mind and anchor you. 

Belle

ps.. I don't downplay the power of praying, me myself coming from a religious background.. but don't think that praying will ultimately solve your problem it will help you find your way.. but it still you will have to do it for yourself.. it doesn't mean that God is mean but He wanted  you to see Him as yourself..

[ArcaneHuman]

On 12/5/2022 at 7:57 PM, Belle said:

I don't think it has a quick fix knowing that there are so many aspects in our energy involve. But having started with recap is great way, you are doing spiral too which gives you would gain clarity, you are taking quicksilver which would help you deal with stuckness in your emotional response, so these would definitely keep you moving out from that cycle.

 

Thank you kindly. I am recapping everyday. I even directly recapped some trauma the other day for one session. I didn't want to go overboard but i've been recapping for so long that i figured i might give it a shot. felt a few interesting things afterwards. I'm not going to keep doing that regularly i just figured i'd give it a try at least and see what happens.