Why does this work always make me feel on the brink of something?

We're always on the brink, we just don't realize it. That's the short answer anyway. When you think about the Recapitulation and examine it from an objective first world viewpoint, it obviously can't work. But it does work, in very real ways. People who do it, know that. The results are not imaginary. So how is that possible? The answer to that is also the answer to your question.

My feelings and experience have pushed me to one inescapable conclusion. Everything that ever was, is, or can ever be in human experience is here, now. Time, distance and our own sense of reality are merely illusions created by the human need for order and linear progression. The movement towards understanding is not about scooting around the desert on your butt, or grand ceremonies or rituals; it isn't a long journey, though it may seem that way to our energy. The journey is inside you. Sitting there now, with one slight movement, you can watch the ancient workers at Giza in Egypt polishing the white limestone on the great pyramid with sand -- a monument to their own perception of eternity. Another slight movement and and you can look out upon the great infinity that is the future. You can see all the lines of probability and possibility; they run everywhere, through everything. But even with those visions, you are only looking through the bubble of your own reality, the energy that binds you together.

Break through that bubble and you have passed the barriers to the unknown. Like a rag doll in the ocean, you are tossed and turned in what seems like a hopeless infinity. Experience it enough and eventually, you learn to move across and through that ocean. This is the long way home. You will find yourself drawn to a great extremity, a place beyond time, realities or distance, the nursery of the stars. Climb that last mountain, along the way shedding the last vestiges of what you were. Just as you reach the summit, you can look down into a vast eternity filled with a huge roiling mass, the engine of creation. All the things we have created, both good and bad, are only the weakest reflections of the heart of the universe. You will see everything, all at once, the singularity of existence -- life, death and beyond. This view is a stunning repudiation of human artifice and vanity.

Yes, how we perceive is our choice. But to move past it, is to leave behind what we have learned to value; yet at the same time, value it all the more. I heartily encourage you not to trust my perceptions of that infinity. I would insist that you explore your own.

"One of the most perverse things about the universe is that it doesn't care what you believe."